Question

[awest1217]

I am soooooooooooo tired. I didn't sleep well at all. S keeps kicking me, but he has been so whiney, hitting his friends at school, defiant, and just not himself at all lately that I hate to tell him he can't sleep with me, although I need to. Anyone going through this and have a younger son who is acting the same way? Is this just a normal phase (I know the defiance is terrible two's, but the hitting?)? Thanks!

Also I had some weird dreams probably because I never got into a good sleep. Thursday here we come!

[Lucky11too]

No good about the sleep. If nothing else, we need our sleep to survive these difficult times! So, I know my S is younger then yours, but at a 1 1/2, he's already doing the same things. I'm guessing it's just part of the terrible two's for little boys? (and unfortunately, I guess I get to start it early!) Particularly this last week, he's become especially onery, stubborn, defiant, and hitting. Just last night b/c I wouldn't let him pull the cats fur, he turned and hit me in the face - hard! Needless to say, he got a spanking and time out, but nothing really seems to phase him. I've heard boys are more agressive in general, so maybe this is just how they are acting out as they test their boundaries? It's difficult though and very frustrating. I'm just trying to stay on him and let him know that this is not ok and discipline as necessary. What things have you tried with him? I believe this is normal, but if anyone has any suggestions on how to get thru this in one piece, I'm open to suggestions too.

[awest1217]

S loves to play drums so when I get a note saying he has hit his friends, he gets them taken away. He once in a blue moon (usually when he is tired) will try to hit me, but that is rare. At home, I usually do time out although if it is iminent danger (touching the stove) I do spank him and did spank until about 18 months. I am trying to push more time out so he learns to control his anger.

This morning he did say a few times how he can't hit his friends so I am hoping for a good note today, but I think the teacher he has also sets him on edge. He had her as a baby and she was the only one who would constantly complain about him so I don't think she works well with him. I am a teacher so I don't blame the teacher because it is not her fault so I discipline him and let him know it is unacceptable, but the previous problems as an infant makes me wonder.

[awest1217]

Did not sleep well at all...S woke up at 4 and said he couldn't sleep either. I am not sure what is going on, but we both need some sleep.

Tomorrow is the big day. I am really holding back contacting H because I think it is unfair to decide something and never tell me at all, but hey, none of this has been fair to me. We will see what today brings. At least I have the youth rally tonight to keep me busy. The house is almost cleaned for the week so tomorrow I can either pack his junk up or help him unpack...or if I hear nothing, just go grocery shopping.

On top of no contact, H hasn't given me the child support either which is weird because the last few months he has been sure to pay it, and the last two months give a little extra. Who knows what is going on, but the constant wonder is starting to take its toll.

[Lucky11too]

If H doesn't respond to you at all by tomorrow and let you know one way or the other, that has got to be the jerkiest thing ever! For sure, he has to move out tomorrow, right? So even if you hear nothing, you might as well get his things boxed up for him because that means he has made his choice. All very frustrating. Hopefully, you and S will be able to sleep better tomorrow after this big deadline is past (however things go).

It's awful that he hasn't paid the child support yet, but I guess that's just another motivation to get this thing finalized if he doesn't come home. Really hoping for the best though. Like I said before, I really hope he is using this quiet time to do a lot thinking and internalizing. Keep us updated!

[awest1217]

I did text him this morning saying "good morning and hope you have a good day" to initiate some contact, but still nothing. I was expecting that, but I agree this is the worst thing he has done. He has to move out by tomorrow and he isn't going to tell me what he has decided. It is just so rude!

I am definitely starting to feel the little sleep from the last few days, but one more class and I get to go home. Maybe a little nap before the youth rally...

[awest1217]

I called H to ask about pizza. He said he couldn't go because a friend from college, who I never heard of and can't google, died in North Carolina so he is leaving tonight to go there. He won't be back until late Sunday or maybe Monday, he is not sure. Then I asked about moving and he said he already moved his stuff into his parents garage, but not to stay there, just until he gets back. I said but then you leave for Indy for work, and won't be back until Wednesday so where are you planning on staying that night? He said he didn't know. He just couldn't decide. I said well you kind of have to. You either sleep here or sleep at your parents. He said he didn't know and won't decide. He said it wasn't fair that I am making this the end all. I told him he doesn't understand that he has done this to me for a year and I deserve to move on.

So there you have it. He is gone, probably with OW, to North Carolina so he doesn't have to decide. I am going to pack his stuff up tomorrow, and I told him he needs to pick it up by next Friday. By then I can talk to his parents and let them know that I will be bringing his stuff next Saturday if he doesn't come get it and ask them what they would like to do with the bigger stuff that is family stuff.

This is really hard, but I have to remember....I deserve better and although I set the ultimatum...I did not do anything wrong. I have tried for a year and I deserve to move on...I deserve this...I deserve better...I have to remember...So Hard

[awest1217]

Before I forget...Kalni...you were right about everything, but I deserve better and if he chooses to come back and ask to be let back, then I will have to look at it, but for now it is me and S and I just have to talk to H about what he wants to do with S since he has never for a full year by himself, but if we can't hash this stuff out now, it will save on L costs.

[ClingingToHope]

Do what's best. It's liberating in a way when a clear direction is set, but then there are waves of sadness with that as well.

I hope you have a great weekend.

[awest1217]

I am doing much better. I went to the youth rally and talked to some friends so that was nice. H has text me 3 times just saying "i love you". Nothing else. I sent one back the first time saying "i love you too. have a safe trip". I have not responded at all the rest of the time. There is nothing to say. I feel he is just wanting to prolong this more. He wants to keep this separation going so he can ignore and hang out with me when he feels like it and OW when her H is out of town. No more. I gave him clear cut choices and he chose his parents. I am going to pack his stuff tomorrow and asked him to pick it up by next Friday since he will be out of town until Wednesday.

I am going to plan on filing over spring break. I really don't want to go through a divorce, but my situation even with DBing has really had no real break throughs. We have been on this same wheel over and over. We get really close to one another then he says he still does not know what to do because he wants to still be friends with OW and then we don't talk for a week. Nothing has ever changed. This is the change I need. I deserve better than always being with a guy who won't take time to spend with his S or truly committ to me.

Tomorrow packing, grocery shopping, park with nephew sister and S...and much more. I am feeling good about my decision.

One thing H said today that made me think is I said I would give him until Wednesday and he said he didn't want another ambiguous deadline over his head, but a few minutes before said he didn't know what he wanted to do. I feel bad for him because he is so messed up.

I just keep thinking I deserve a guy who will completely committ to me. I always try to leave (I had done this many times while dating and being engaged), but H always said but I love you and I want to be with you so I would stay for nothing to change. I need to stick with this because he is never going to change what he does to me anyway. I deserve better.