The tunnel of darkness

[kjensen]

Hi TF,
Overall doing OK. Work is fine, commute stinks, but I'm listening to some good stuff on CD from the library. Getting back to my interest in Buddhism/meditation(I am not meditating while driving though! ).

Life throws some curveballs peridocially, especially with H/divorce.

I took the initiative to separate our life insurance/disability insurance bills into separate accounts. We had some dividend surplus $(not much- $150) in our account that I really didn't notice and found out that our insurance guy sent a check to H for that amount. liquidating it..that was in our joint account(should have been split between us). I'd asked H about it awhile back when I found out he got some money from the insurance and he just flippantly said it was some surplus in the account and I asked the agent about it yesterday and he really just dodged the question...so I was pretty mad at H and the insurance agent(getting a different one) when I figured out what happened, last night.

Upset really about how my lack of knowledge had me in a powerless position-not understanding what I was dealing with right away and being able to "call" these fellows on their misdeed.

I felt I was trying to take back my power, take care of things, learn what I needed to and this stupid thing made me realize just how clueless about some things I still am. Just frustrating.

Will see H this weekend at some kid functions. Just when I think he might be making progress-reconnecting with kids, things occur which make me realize how so very far he has yet to go...He bought D12 a TSA lock for her Australia trip and was excited he got it in pink!-Her favorite color when she was 5, but least favorite color the last few years! The thing with the insurance seems just sneaky/not forthright and not like the man I know H used to be.

One day at a time. Looking forward to the weekend-some spring weather and maybe some catch-up sleep!


Thanks for the (simultaneous!) post Cyrena. It helps to understand what might happen down the road from someone who has been there. Just a really wacky psychological phenomena isn't it!
H still sees the kids (at least D12) as younger than she is..her wearing eye makeup(I'm not a big fan of this either-but thats not the battle I am choosing) really bothers him-alot....