The other thing I am confused about is there are certain situations that I dont know what to do. I am going to use the following as an example but things like this happen on a weekly basis. I also would like to add that I work 50+ hours a week and I also own a business (two jobs). My husband works 4 days a week (at night) for a total of 20 hours a week:
Made appointment for the dog to get a haircut and have yearly checkup. I asked husband if I dropped off dog in the morning if he could pickup from hari appt and take to vet appt (my husband works at night, I made appt for 2pm - I work during the day - since he is home I figure he can pick her up so I dont have to take off work). Anyway, he agrees.
The day of the appt comes and I wake up extra early to get her to her hair appt. I come home and start working (I work from home). At 1:45pm husband is still not awake (this is very typcial, now that I dont "bother" him he sleep or stays in our bedroom until 4 or 5pm); however he knew the dog had an appt . I ended up going up and waking him up and askinghim if was still planning to pick her up. He was late the appt but he got her. It just makes me so angry. Am I not even supposed to ask him to do things with 180? Should I have just gone to get the dog? He is just so lazy.
Another example: We had to have our carpets clean because my dog is not well housetrained. We are both to blame but it especially annoys me because my husband will just sleep all day and not take her out and she will go all over the carpets. Anyway, I set up the appt. I had to work very late the night before they were suppsoed to come (until around 11am). I asked him if he could vacuum while I was at work, pick up the dog poop under our bed (lovely, I know) becuase I wouldnt have time to do it before the carpet people came. I come home from work that night and he literally vacuumed a strip of carpet i our bedroom - our dog had recently destoyed a feather pillow and there were feathers still all under the bead, etc. Dog poop was still not picked up. due to 180 I did not say anything and proceeded to clean until 1am so our carpets could be cleaned. Is that what I should have done?
Does anyone understand now what I mean when I say I feel lik I'm being walked all over. I feel like with 180 I am just not supposed to say anything. But honestly I'm so sick of this [censored] - it happens all the time .
Is it your dog or his dog? He cares very little about this dog based on your posts while you show a great deal of care for this dog.
Do you expect him to care about the dog? What if he can't? What if he won't?
Vacuuming dog poop that is under a bed is another story altogether. Seriously how long has that poop been under the bed? If the dog isn't housetrained, bring him somewhere, maybe obedience school and get the dog trained, if you can invest in dog haircuts and the vet, you can invest in house training the dog so that it doesn't poop inside. If you won't pay for the training, whose responsibility is it to train the dog, clean up after it, etc. Here's another question, why not just let the dog stay out during the day and bring him in at night? Wouldn't that mean less dog poop and dog pee on the carpets and a cleaner home?
Another thing to consider, you setup the appointment too early to get your carpets cleaned and couldn't find time to vacuum the home.
I know, you're going to say, what about my husband, what does he get to do? Nothing, plain & simple. He has already retreated inside of a shell and doesn't want too much to do with you, do you see that but you keep trying to involve him in chores and responsibilities and that won't work. You can continue doing what you're doing but you would do better to just observe reality, reality works, follow reality, reality doesn't lie.
If this guy was always like this since Day 1, you have a decision to make. Either accept that he's like this and live with him for the rest of your life all disappointed and angry and resentful and boy oh boy that sounds like fun (I'm obviously sarcastic) or you can let him go, file for divorce or separation and go live a single life without him in your home and without him bothering you with his laziness and lack of effort.
I kind of understand what everyone is saying but I guess maybe its hard for me to accept? I need help - I'm exhausted. He doesn't help with anything. So basically, I was supposed to take off work even though he is home and can help? He never helps is what I am saying - I don't really understand the point of being married if he is not going to help me. If I didnt get him up or ask him to do things to help me I would literally be doing everyhign by myself. I already work two jobs which are very stressful, I own a house, I pay our bills, take care of the dog, etc.
Yeah, he has disappointment me several million times but basically what you are suggesting is that I do everything myself while he sleeps all day and goes golfing and drinking, etc. I'm just notsupposed to ever say anythign about getting some help?
What do you mean the dog appointment were all on me? He wons the dog too! I was grcious enough t make the dog a vet appt so he can get shot, etc as he was overdue. So basically, I do all the work while he reaps allthe rewards - that is on me?
Since the fight I have tried to do a 180 completely:
-Husband complained that I nagged and was controlling. I have stopped asking him where he is going, stopped asking him what he is doing, stopped asking him to help around the house, I have basically I have not asked him to do anything. There are piles of trash in our backyard that have been sitting there for a month that he hasn’t taken out but I have not said anything. He has let the dog mess on the floor and not cleaned it up but I still have not said anything. I normally would ask him to get up (he works at night and I liked to eat lunch with him because its one of the few times I see him) – I stopped doing that and now he just sleeps until 3 or 4pm.
You wrote that you stop asking him to do anything and stopped nagging him but then you wrote about the dog poop situation and the dog haircut and the dog vet and the carpets getting cleaned - this was all nagging. So which is it? Did you stop nagging or did you continue to do the same thing over & over again?
I kind of understand what everyone is saying but I guess maybe its hard for me to accept? I need help - I'm exhausted. He doesn't help with anything. So basically, I was supposed to take off work even though he is home and can help? He never helps is what I am saying - I don't really understand the point of being married if he is not going to help me. If I didnt get him up or ask him to do things to help me I would literally be doing everyhign by myself. I already work two jobs which are very stressful, I own a house, I pay our bills, take care of the dog, etc.
Yeah, he has disappointment me several million times but basically what you are suggesting is that I do everything myself while he sleeps all day and goes golfing and drinking, etc. I'm just notsupposed to ever say anythign about getting some help?
What do you mean the dog appointment were all on me? He wons the dog too! I was grcious enough t make the dog a vet appt so he can get shot, etc as he was overdue. So basically, I do all the work while he reaps allthe rewards - that is on me?
Did your marriage just turn into a huge laundry list of things that needed to be done? If so, that's not fun and if you've been nagging him for years thats also not fun. So if you're relationship is not fun, why would he want to be around you?
Why do you work 2 jobs??? Who told you to do that? You did. Because you pay all the bills? Who told you to do that? You did.
Start separating the bills, make a list of the expenses and tell him he's responsible for half.
Stop cooking meals for him, just take care of yourself. Stop doing his laundry, just take care of your own.
Yes, I could take him to a trainer. He is housetrained but when you sleep all day and don't take the dog outside it is eventually going to go to the bathroom. We live in a townhouse and can't leave the dog out all day - he has to be brought out on a leash by someone or else I would do that.
He cares about the dog, he cares about a lot of things but anytime responsiblity or "unfun" is happening he doesn't want anythign to do with it. So he plays with the dog, he pets the dog, etc - he just doesn't care about anythign else.
I guess I kind of get it. And to a point he has always been selfish but he has taken it to a whole nother level. He used to care and now doesn't care at all. He grew up in a house where he mother did everything for him and still tries too!
Some of these thigns effect me. Him throwing his cigaretts on our front law and not picking them up (now my house looks like trash), him now picking up the dog or taking it outside, now my carpets are ruined. Leaving trash sitting in our backyeard for over a month, now my house smells and my backyeard looks like the junk. These things do effect me. So I'm supposed to do everything?! Take out the trash, etc?! Are you going to create more hours in a day?
I dont consider kindly asking him if he was planning to pick up the dog nagging. If he had said no I would have gone and done it. I'm in the middle of my work day and he had already committed to doing it.
I guess that's what I'm saying - I'm never supposed to ask for any help?
I dont cook and neither does he. I dont do laundry, he does.
I have two jobs because I'm trying to follow my dream. Just like I helped him for years and years to follow his and busted my ass so he could have his dream job, which he does.
We both pay the bills. He actually makes more money than me. He does very well.
I do take care of myself but I guess I feel like if he is going to live here he shoould be helping me.
