My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

hm,

I think there's also a skill component, and that's what concerns me. how do you get those skills? what are those skills?!

The first skill I'm working on and beginning to use is to simply:
Pause.
Pause after someone finishes speaking/asking/complaining. Pause a beat or two or three (which feels like ten minutes!) to break the "automatic". That's enough for now, a good first step for me. Maybe, eventually, the pause will become longer and I'll process. And Consider. And decide.
That pause alone is beginning - beginning - to put an end to the word that always automatically pops out whenever anybody asks me anything: "SURE!"

But it's still a struggle.

oops--cross-posted.

pause. consider. think. feel. I like it!

I'm really not one of those people who can't say no in general. it's just in romantic relationships that I subvert my own needs--and don't even realize I'm doing it until I can look back at it. and it seems I'll put up with almost any crap behavior from an intimate partner as long as it starts out normally.