My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

that's so true--and I knew it, that we teach people how to treat us.

it was frustrating to me to know that xH does all the things for OW he refused to do for me/for our family--but she expects it, and I long ago lost that expectation. If he failed to fix or do something, I did it. I enabled it. I didn't see an alternative--but I also didn't expect that he'd take care of me in any way. so he didn't. hard lesson to learn, but it sticks with me that way.

I never thought of myself as a people pleaser--because, honestly, I'm pretty assertive and self-assured in other areas of my life. but it seems I have always had to "earn" love. and while you don't enter a relationship with that awareness, it eventually becomes like that frog in the boiling pot of water--it happens slowly, over time, and you don't notice, and there you are in a non-survivable situation.

sadly, I think I project this stuff into my current fledgling relationship. I feel him pulling away, or he'll inadvertently say something that hits me wrong, and while he may just be very busy, to me it feels like intentional and cruel abandonment. and I overreact. and he's very patient, and I'm learning that he's not my xH.

sigh. lots of epiphanies.