I am so glad to have found a group who is going through a very similar situation to me. I have searched online for a long time and finally I found a group of long relationships, pregnancy, upper 20s-early 30s, and abandonment. It was comforting to read your stories, your feelings, and see your growth.
Babydoll, papers were served last night. I would be devastated, because his feelings were put into action. But I would console myself with the truth that his feelings didn't actually change before being served and after. It's also my belief that his feelings won't change based on what you do in response. You can delay (there's no reason not to), but the time might come when you need to go through with it. His chances of getting back with you, I feel, are the same whether there is legal documentation or not. The truth is, he could still "come back" in a year or so, once he adjusts to the fact that he is a father and/or sees that the other side is not better. It would be equally monumental, whether you get remarried or whether you renew the vows that are already in place but are "dead" in practice. (For his side, that is.) All this to say, even though the papers have changed the situation, perhaps what is most important didn't actually change at all.
I'd like to share with you guys that my husband (I realized he wanted to end our relationship 1/14/10, the day before my sonogram) went to individual therapy to work though his feelings. And while he was there he was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. I don't see why your husbands may not be going through the same thing-- an excessive reaction to the news of the pregnancy. To me, it does not make sense that my husband was happy with me for 8 years and then suddenly decided that not only did he not want to be with me anymore, he hadn't wanted to for a while. (One difference between your husbands and mine is that mine still has not accepted the child yet-- he is not sure he wants to be in her life except financially.)
I'm at the place now where I am focusing on myself. I'm starting two new hobbies, traveling, hanging out with as many friends as possible, and decorating my new apartment. I'm also focusing on the baby by having short "conversations" with her every morning and every night. I like the journal ideas. I know that it's important that I stop thinking about him, and most days I am successful. But some days I feel the pull to understand what he is doing and try to figure out a way to make him change. But I know that it fully lies within him.
Last thing-- I am exploring divorce and will probably pursue it. I think it's important to get child support in order by the time she arrives. I still firmly believe that we could overcome a divorce through therapy and get remarried in the future if that's what we both want. I might pursue co-parenting therapy at the same time. (I think I read about that on this thread!) Of course, he'd have to agree to go!
I'll continue to read your stories, and I hope we can encourage each other through our births and after.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
