Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

H came over for dinner last night as planned. (My parents were out so it was just the 3 of us - kind of nice). I made this awesome casserole and tried out asperagus for the first time. All came out really good. The only problem is that S was freaking out the whole entire time and was clinging to my leg. I tried to have H feed him and he just cried and cried. I held him for a bit but he just wouldn't calm down. Finally I put him in his corner just to calm down, which he finally did, and then he went over to H to eat, ate his dinner, and everything went well with him from there. It was just weird though. He never acts like that.

So dinner was good, but it just felt a little off to beteween H and me. He was just really getting on my nerves. He just kept doing things that really annoyed me. I was cooking dinner and S spilled his juice all over himself. I asked H to get him a paper towel, but he's just like, "it will dry". Are you serious? Later, S and I wanted to show H his new slide before he went to bed (we only had like 20 mins of play time b/c dinner got so late) and H is sleeping! Please, just spend 20 minutes awake with your S before he goes to bed. He finally came into S's room but then fell asleep in the chair. We get S asleep and go to watch tv and he falls asleep again.

I wouldn't be upset if he was tired b/c worked the previous night or b/c of his sleep apnea, but he was exhausted b/c he was out all night! He tells me at dinner how it's great to have guy friends again (since he pushed me, his family, & all his old guy friends away 2 years ago) and how 6 of them went out last night and how he ended up drinking way more than he thought and got sick in the morning. I mean I glad he has "guy" friends again, but nothing ever seems good to come out of it when he goes out with him. This goes back to my above question which is another reason why I have a problem with him going out with his guy friends. I don't think his problem is alcoholism anymore. If definitely was at one time where he was using it to self medicate, getting drunk at work, and drinking every night - all which he doesn't do anymore. Now it's become more of a social drinking thing where he goes out with his friends a couple of nights a week and they go out drinking. This is not uncommon I know for guys his age, but all the guys he's hanging out with are single guys with no kids. It's just different. He's not like them. He SHOULD have responsibilities at home to his wife and child. Yes, I'm sorry he doesn't have the freedom they have, but that's the life he choose! He choose to marry me and have a child with me and that SHOULD be his life.

Last gripe, he's spent the last 4 or 5 Friday's nights with me now, so I asked him last night if he was going to be over tonight. He said something like "we'll see" or "I don't know yet" - something to that effect, I can't remember now. But that sends the message to me that "I'm keeping my options open and I'll be over there unless something better comes up", right? Really? Thanks.

So obviously, just very frustrated right now and needed to vent...

In fun news, S and I are having our 1st playdate tomorrow morning. Very exciting! =)