That is true...I havent been through it in the way you have...and with my state not allowing such suits I cant go through it ever.
Exactly. Due to your location and state laws you will never have to go through it therefore you are painting an awfully romantic picture of how you *think* it will be. Did you feel good when you were served with papers totally unexpectedly informing you your EX was filing for full custody? You felt like garbage. Now multiple that by motion after motion for 1-2 years and tell me exactly how that can help soothe your heart? If you say it will then you have no heart.
However, as I said they are traditionally referred to as "heart balm" statutes. Your reasons for pursuing action apparently weren't for soothing any emotional distress caused by your spouse/ex...but if they are referred to as such, it would stand to reason that a good portion of people (not all) who have pursued such actions over the years were doing so as retrubution.
How exactly does retribution help soothe the heart? Justice and revenge are two very different things. Do you think a mother who had their child murdered feels better once the murderer is behind bars? They may feel justice has been served but do you think it somehow soothes their heart? No. What soothes one's heart is hard work, learning the tools to self soothe and a complete 180 on how you (generally speaking) look and deal with life. The real test is how one deals with life during the very worst of times. And I think we all can agree an unwanted divorce and custody battle certainly qualifies as one of the worst.
You are correct. Your ex may or may not EVER have any consequences. I struggled with the same thing and my exH for a very long time. And thus far he has had none aside from financial and that will only last a few years. And maybe he has consequences I don't know about now or ever will. You seem to think your ex was the one that broke up the family. And yes, her walking away did just that. HOWEVER there are very few people that wake up one day out of the blue and say "gee, I think I will leave my partner and child today because I can't think of anything else to do". Problems were brewing for a very, very long time and from what you describe the R the two of you had was very, very unhealthy. You have not taken any time to work on what you contributed to that unhealthy dynamic, instead you have focused on the end result of her leaving. And somehow you think some sort of punishment will bring it all back together OR give you a some sort of *something* to feel better.
I have news for you, the ONLY thing that can make you feel better is you. Certainly a counselor, family support and other mediums in life can encourage us but at the end of the day it has to be ALL YOU.
Initiating a counter suit against my husband and best friend of more than a decade was truly the hardest thing I have EVER had to do. Harder than making the decision to take my own father off life support. My hand was shaking so bad it took me nearly 20 minutes to sign the document, the walls were closing in around me and I could not breath or even see straight. I threw up in the parking lot of my attnys office. Don't think for a minute anybody who has made the choice to pursue further legal action does so lightly or to help their heart. It was by far one of the most traumatizing moments of my life that will be forever etched in my mind.
Look to yourself first. You have provided example after example of how you are unable to make yourself feel better. You said when your child was very young you were the one staying up all night caring for her while she cried but nobody was there for you. You are a man. You be there for you.
