I always felt there is a business side and DB side of this. I had a bunch of emails and IM's saved (my state does have laws regarding affairs) that I kept safe. The reason being if she wanted to play hardball. As things moved on it became apparent that she didn't want to go that route and the papers disappeared. The truth being that it was business. I wasn't keeping them for vindication for unruly behavior on my part.
So beware that......the evidence will hurt. What you need to do is detach from it once you get it....put it in a place for safe keeping and forget about it. You can't let the evidence push you back....not good for you.
Lost - I felt much more in control but to be honest I really wanted to say "u digust me" but then I realized that she is sick. At this point I just need to consider what is in the best interest of the kids and ME. I would like to stay in the house but I am not sure yet if that is an opition. I am also concerned about my oldest who back to being somewhat distant from me. Ironically this happened after him and W took a walk a few days ago. W and oldest are very close. Not sure if oldest will want to spend 1/2 the time with me. I keep trying to connect with him, which is all that I can do.
Personally, I wonder if W and I really have a future. At the rate that she is doing damage I'm not sure. I am going to continue to focus on the kids, detaching, healing and GAL. Interesting that OM is married so I wonder how long this will last. I also think that this has to be one stupid move...I mean your job with a supervisor who is married. The old W would not have done this...she was better than this - then again that was the old W. I do not kid myself about my role in the breakdown of the M but I will no longer take responsibilty for the actions that she is doing now. When I think about the kids, specifically my D who is 8 I feel for the impact this will have on them. I'll continue to stand but will also do everything in my power to protect me and the kids.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Drew - No I do not want to go there.. I would like to stay in my home. I will follow up again with my L and also get a 2nd opinion. If at the end of the day it make no difference or the difference is imaterial then trust me I'm not going there. No need to air the dirty laundry - no need.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Just to clarify on my side Eric...so you know why I kept my tidbits of evidence. I live down here in the bible belt and there are laws to protect the LBS in situations like that (both against the wayward spouse and the OP). I forget to add that disclaimer when I talk about such things as "proof".
Lost - Understood. Trust me if I do not need to get additional proof I will not. I just made an appt with another attny to cross reference what mine is telling me. I just want to ensure that I am not taken advantage of. That is all. That is all. I will continue to stand for her as long as I can. I want to stay in my home and anything that I need to do to ensure that I will do. I cannot control what she does but I can control what I do. I do not want to air the dirty laundry - trust me I do not but if this is needed to give me a better shot of remaining in the house then so be it. At the end of the day, I do not believe that our system should reward someone from "breaking a contract". It is unfortunate that our system does not enforce this..at least not in my state. I have seen way too many guys take a beating. Now W has said in the past that she wants to end this nicely...so do I so do I. If waiting does not hurt my chance at 50/50 and staying in the home then wait i will. The crappy part of all of this is the impact to the kids. And please no one tell me that they will "adapt". My sons will be hurt - they are 16 & 14 and are VERY attached to W. My D is 8 and she is very attached to D. This whole sitch sucks.
Having vented a bit...I still stand...I still detach...I still work on me. I will get thru this a changed man for sure - better...well I hope so. The hard part will be detaching today but I know that I can do it. I will continue to be civil. If spoken too I will answer and answer nicely. I'll be increasing my GAL activities big time. For those of you who pray please pray for me and my family. Pray for healing and forgivness.
I promise everyone this..I will not confront. Now what do I do if she confronts me? I was planning on saying...I'm not ready to talk about it and then walk away.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
