When wearing or not wearing your wedding ring has become a strategy instead of a sign of your commitment and promises, you know you have a focus problem.
I wear it because it is a sign of my committment and promise. I did not wear it yesterday almost to test "how it felt". Trust me I was not looking nor did i expect a response from her.
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For what it's worth, the MLC'er is typically happy to have us reach a point of peace and acceptance. Removing your ring tells your wife that you have accepted that the marriage is over. That being the case, she probably figures that you're finally coming to grips with her decision.
Interesting point - I did not consider that. It may be what she is looking for but then again...knowing her I also wonder (I know I am not suppose to try and figure her out) if she takes this as a sign that I have given up. In a way part of me has. Thanks for making this point.
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The bigger point I think is that you need to STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP analyzing and looking for positive/negative signs.
Agree - the funny thing is that for the past few days I have really been focusing on the detaching. Obviously I'm not there yet but I know I making progress. This was a little set back for me and I appreciate the reminder to STOP, STOP, STOP.
The hard part is controling the emotion, when for breif moments we seem to "somewhat connect". The interesting thing is that I thought she may have been flirting with me a little bit (commented about my lips, moved closer than usual, etc.) but thank God I did not bite. No cake eating - sorry honey.
The funny thing is that she was drinking at 2PM, which is unlike her. When I commented she said that this is her Friday (she works on Friday). Based on what I've read to date this may have been a little sign of depression, which I understand occurs during the whole process. She also had her headphones on most of the day while she was home. It was a little wierd a little wierd..
I continue with the detach and will definately STOP looking for signs. Although I know that you know that it's tough.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Brwol makes a good point about acceptance...I have already told my W that I know that the M is over (I did mention that a new one could be formed. I know I'm not suppose to but...) so for me wearing the ring is a sign of the promise I made. I may take it off at some point but who knows. I keep trying to work on me and keep my expecations down but as you can imagine - it is not easy.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I know keeping those expectations down is not easy but once you start recognizing your thought processes and trying to change them, it starts happening.
I just go back and forth about those rings. I have accepted that my M is over (for sure the M the way it was, who knows about the future) but at the same time I did make a promise and I am holding up to my end and not acting otherwise. I guess I would be more likely to wear his ring on a necklace or something (if it was in my possesion) because that actually symbolizes the promises I made. I have been flip flopping and who knows, maybe I will put them back on one of these days.
Not a good day - I know have proof - PA! This sucks. Really sucks...apparently they are "in love". Not feeling as bad as I thought I guess the detaching helps. I am angry, which is normal and will pass. Just not a good day.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Just remember you're together w/ her for 19 years...she's caught up in the whirlwind of chemicals and fantasy...that fades pretty quickly...don't feed into it, keep detached...
My W used to go to bed at 8pm, and work 7 days a week, she also used to be sober...now she's off eating at all the nice places, staying up late, cutting work (she's self employed), and basically changing everything, coming off her depression meds, etc etc.
She blames all of her unhappiness on me-
Let them have their "fun"- protect yourself, continue to grow.
True Love is not butterflies and ditching responsibilities.
True love requires resolve, dedication, and committment
On another thread you mention "affair #2". Is this another person then the co-worker?
It really doesn't matter....but I like to keep abreast these things.
I see that you are detaching well though...your previous post was a good example of how you are moving down the detachment path. Previously you would have flipped out...now you post more collective and calm.
Sorry man...really am. Just keep going down your path.....and detach from her's as best you can.
Yes Lost - this is the co-worker. I am trying to stand I really am. I just need to continue to detach. At this point I will totally limit our convo's to just the kids. I will not start a convo and will be very short as I did this morning. This morning she asked about a family member who is ill and my response was "they are okay - thank you for asking." - I said this as I walk away. I am trying very hard to understand what she is going thru but as you can imagine I'm a little sick to the stomach.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I know that feeling...once, twice, three....forgot how many times at this point. It just really became irrelevant for me. Then the sick feelings disappeared. There was a brief stage of resentment...mainly surrounding that I was taking care of the house and kids by myself for two years....but even that was really just self pity.
I like your response....that is how you converse. She talked and you acknowledged nicely. How did it feel to be able to walk away from the conversation?
