Is this piecing?

[Butterfly1]

rr22 - no, the goal was to be invited. H just wanted to drop in and see S, so I told him he could come to the park which we already planned.

FM, thank you. This is what I'm shifting to. It's very new and disorienting. Sad too. I guess I unconsciously felt if H would come back to me, all my Rs would not be failures. I have to not put that on him. Also, he may be in the same category as those past Rs. I just don't know right now.

I hate having these doubts once H seems to be turning the corner.

anyhow, next week is the one year anniversary of the bomb. Tuesday to be exact. I better batten down the hatches and not expect any good behavior from H.

[Butterfly1]

PS my harsh mother had to go and tell me my S told her "My daddy doesn't live here any more."

Tears tears tears.

[rr22]

http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/index9.html

[flowmom]

H4L, that must have been hard to hear. (((H4L)))

rr, interesting article.

[Lost Rabbit]

Huge hugs that's the sort of spiteful thing my mum would do! Some times I wonder why she had children?

Lots of thoughts going on inside your head that is good because I now truly believe you won't settle for anything but a good R which I know you need. Don't sell yourself short this time you have found H4L on this journey don't you let her go ever again.

[rockedworld]

H4L, I think it is understandable that you are having these doubts when your H seems to be turning a corner. That is when you can take some of your emotional energy away from constantly assessing how he is doing, and actually have some emotionally energy to figure out what YOU want/need.
((hugs))

[Butterfly1]

Totally and completely don't know how to act around H. Our time together is now quite limited as I"m in rehearsals during his "nights" here. Part of me wants to keep the "as if" we're together feeling, part of me wants to send the "I'm avoiding you after months of emotional abuse and neglect" feeling.

I also don't want "More of the same" before he left, I used to be at reahearsals a lot and we'd just pass like ships in the night. I want to do it differently and spend more time together, but for a year now he hasn't shown much interest in being around me. However, he has been showing small signs of turning a corner...

Ah the rollercoaster! I want to bond, but I don't want to seem needy. That make sense?

[rr22]

Um, yes. It makes sense. You crave normalcy and a positive connection. You've been alone for at least a year.

[Lost Rabbit]

Ok it might sound a bit scary and yes you are in danger of getting rejected but how about you suggest going for a drink together just the two of you, even say now I'm busy I don't want to miss time with you how about a catch up drink?

Honestly if he turns you down flat maybe it's time to move on, but who knows some times a bit of bravery is required!

[flowmom]

I like LR's idea. You guys have been doing the tough stuff, like MC and dealing with intense issues. Some positive input is needed and he may have barriers to initiating it. I think some courtship is in order here and hopefully if you walk towards him, he'll meet you halfway...