RW, instead on focusing on the "argument/fight", focus on how you overcame it. That's where you can "see" the progress, patterns changing, better communication achieved. If you realise history is repeating itself, which you dont want, think of how you could change YOUR reaction next time.
It is natural to feel discouraged everytime a fight occurs during this fragile state. I get scared every time we face something similar. What I try to do is see each fight as a chance to solidify positive changes in our R. It requires a lot of strength, self soothing and for me, SELF CONTROL.
From what I have read, piecing is rarely a smooth road. [The only piecing story I have read that went/goes smoothly is of Ali. And she is one of the most compassionate persons I've known, especially towards her BF (now future H!!!)]
It is very important we dont loose our balance when our Spouses loose theirs. In PM it talks about hugging and leaning for support to one another. It says that such a way or relating (leaning to each other) comes naturally as both partners avoid to carry the weight of themselves, but it is not healthy because when one of the two hits a crisis the whole balance of the couple is in danger. When both lean on their own two feet, when one stumbles, the other one can support but most importantly doesnt fall as well, resulting to protecting the foundation of the relationship until the "weak-upset-discouraged-hurt whatever" partner finds his balanace again. You really (me too) need to avoid the domino effect at this stage (and at any stage for that matter). Differentiate as Schnarch says. xxx K
