I was wondering how to do that too.. Just got finished with my first MC session solo. I really liked her. Our 45 minute session turned into 1 hr and 45 minutes. I am going to stick with her.. with or without H.
I will try to summarize:
Here is her approach if doing MC with H..she would see me and H..ask us to commit to a 3 month period (not with her but between me and H). She suggested that H stay out of the house for the 3 months without seeing other people. She believes that the only options we have right now is to do the work in MC or divorce. She is pro-marriage unless she feels that the relationship is toxic and it would be healthier to not be together. She suggests dating during this time period...and then taking a check point.
First few sessions..explore the reasons for A. She believes that my H is acting out..rebelling. Could be because of his mother being controlling or perhaps he was always forced to do the right thing or always has done the right thing or has always felt like he has had to do the right thing. She also thinks that he suffers from depression which may have triggered H's acting out. She also senses a personality disorder..not so much bipolar (like his grandmother)..but more of a narcissistic tendency or perhaps borderline. She caveats all of this by saying...this is just based on the information that I have provided and will know more after speaking to him.
She was very easy to talk to and she really provided a lot of feedback. My current IC really just listened..which I guess isn't a bad thing...but he really never provided me with any insightful info..no a-ha moments. I have an appointment scheduled for next week... with or without H..I will wait for him to approach me with all of this.
just a side note..don't most people try to do the right thing?? WTF??
...and I really need to stop concentrating on why he did this and really focus on myself..I know this. So easy to say..so hard to do. I am a scientific person...problem solver...I need to pick things apart. It is much easier picking someone else apart than picking myself apart : ) ...sigh.
I am a very good detective...hence the tape recorder. I just need to find creative ways to spy without driving myself crazy.
Two suggestions:
1) A GPS-enabled cellphone, on "silent" and hidden in the trunk of his car;
2) A voice-activated recorder, velcro'd up underneath the driver's seat of his car.
You'd know soon enough. I like the GPS phone, because you can set it to send you e-mails if he gets within "X" distance (say, 100 yards) of any predetermined place you want to program into it (say, OW's address, or her place of employment), and you don't have to obsess over it every minute of every day. The voice recorder is a LOT of work, a lot of changing batteries, and your heart is in your throat every night as you have to listen to everything. But VERY effective!
I was wondering how to do that too.. Just got finished with my first MC session solo. I really liked her. Our 45 minute session turned into 1 hr and 45 minutes. I am going to stick with her.. with or without H.
I will try to summarize:
Here is her approach if doing MC with H..she would see me and H..ask us to commit to a 3 month period (not with her but between me and H). She suggested that H stay out of the house for the 3 months without seeing other people. She believes that the only options we have right now is to do the work in MC or divorce. She is pro-marriage unless she feels that the relationship is toxic and it would be healthier to not be together. She suggests dating during this time period...and then taking a check point.
First few sessions..explore the reasons for A. She believes that my H is acting out..rebelling. Could be because of his mother being controlling or perhaps he was always forced to do the right thing or always has done the right thing or has always felt like he has had to do the right thing. She also thinks that he suffers from depression which may have triggered H's acting out. She also senses a personality disorder..not so much bipolar (like his grandmother)..but more of a narcissistic tendency or perhaps borderline. She caveats all of this by saying...this is just based on the information that I have provided and will know more after speaking to him.
She was very easy to talk to and she really provided a lot of feedback. My current IC really just listened..which I guess isn't a bad thing...but he really never provided me with any insightful info..no a-ha moments. I have an appointment scheduled for next week... with or without H..I will wait for him to approach me with all of this.
What is her position on trying to counsel the two of you during this 3-month period if your husband is still in contact with OW? Does she intend to insist that he not, in order for her to work with you guys?
I like the GPS idea better...the stress over the digital recorder will be terrible for my sanity. I can't deal. I have to look into that.
Well she insists on NC with OW but she knows the work sitch. Like you Puppy, she thinks it is a tough situation with my H still working with the OW. She believes it is constant temptation for my H but even worse...tough on me always having to worry about things. She doesn't believe it is impossible but she thinks the situation sucks. I am still banking on her leaving there eventually...although I am not too optimistic...she is shameless. Of course the other option is my H leaving..which would pretty much be career suicide. The alternative...R suicide?? I don't know.
I need some quick advice...after not responding to the cell phone bill..I get this message this morning.
I haven't heard from you. I presume that means yours and whoever elses' forensic review of my telephone and text messaging life in the past two weeks has come up empty?
Not to hijack, but I have recordings of my W giving great detail about her infidelity. How do I use this as evidence? I can't expose how I know what I know if it's illegal. Right?
