Did you read the Top Five Don'ts while Divorce Busting I posted?
IGNORE 100% of what she says...
You really need to learn to take those hits or you need to keep away from her.
I am going to give you an exercise here.
What I want you to do whenever you hear her say soemthing is to try to figure out what she FEELS like at that moment.
well at least one of us will be there for the nezt 3 years sad, angry, resentful
Those are likley choices
But the MAGICAL part of this exercise is it helps you work with her bcuase you wont' COMMENT BACK once you realize how she FEELS
If you KNOW she feels sad, angry, and resentful you are'nt going to shoot back a nasty comment, you are likley going to remani silent
In my opinion that's the best thing to do when she takes a shot at you... just do what you can to read how she FEELS and then let it go
My guess is right now you aren't trying to "read her" at all when she says that, my guess is you are interalizing it and focussing on how YOU feel having heard that
This is a VERY helpful exercise becuase its something you need to learn when you are communicating... before you talk, you assess how your audience feels and you modify what you say accordingly...
Often people DON'T do the assessment at all and they just say something back and it does damage...
Rather than commenting, and rather than interlaizing and focussing on how YOU feel, try to gauge how she feels when she says that
and feelings aren't
"she wants to leave"
THAT is not a feeling.. that's an idea she gets in RESPONSE to a feeling
A feeling is
Sad Angry Happy Hopful Bitter Scared Frustrated Lost Lonely
THESE are what you need to divulge as the subtext of what she's saying
When she says' she's gonig to leave she's very likley trying to TELL you that she's feeling sad and hopeless
YOU need to work with the "I'm feeling sad and hopeless" NOT the "I am going to leave"
OIN, there are men and women on this forum who are dealing with a LOT WORSE than the bullets you are taking every day
1. Your wife isn't having sex with another man 2. Your wife hasn't moved out 3. Your wife hasn't filed for divorce 4. Your wife isnt' even staying in a different bed is she>
I mean seriously... I don't mean to diminish what you are going through but there are people on thsi forum with CHILDREN who are dealing with a LOT LOT LOT worse and they can fight it...
You need to grow.. adults learn to NOT internalize what the spouse says to them in these times and to respond and speak to the emotions your spouse is feeling instead
Talk with her emotions, not her words and you will handle this a LOT better
