How (and who) to expose if OP is not married

[Allen A]

cool thx.. its about 60 pp and if you go to her forum there's a shopping cart there to pick it up immediately

[Allen A]

Oh, and if you like films you can see a short version of a Protection Phase in John Cusak's film Pushing Tin

John cheats on his wife and she walks out on him and takes her kids with her... he doens't handle the shutdown well at all.. you get to see how the WS feels when HE suddently becomes the Abandoned spouse instead

ha ha

[Allen A]

Oh, don't send that letter until you have changed your phoen number and swiched email etc

Do not tell him you don't want to hear from him anymore until AFTER you have fully protected yourself basically...

There is often an attempt by the spouse soon after the letter is sent to TEST you... so you want to be READY

[Allen A]

Hey 4luv were you able to get that eBook for protection phase?

I read it over at work today and I think you should find more questions answered in there than we could possibly cover on this forum... Penny is a fabulous writer - top notch.

I can't rave enough about the quality of that eBook... great stuff

[4luv]

I got the book Allen but haven't had time to read it yet. I am still reading Not Just Friends in the middle of baking two cakes and 40 cupcakes for this weekend :-)

I will have to check out taht movie. I was watching this movie last night called "The Women" with Meg Ryan, Jada Pickett, Debra Messing and one other lady. Meg Ryan's husband cheats on her and she basically goes into a protection phase by going away with her mom and doing NC with her husband (well almost NC). Then she kicks him out of the house after she exposes the affair and then goes NC with him again. Good movie to watch :-)

Things are great today and over the past few days. I feel much better, matter of fact the best I have felt since I moved away. I continue to leave everything in God's hands and with the NC (almost) I keep myself out of the storm that my husband is going threw. I had a great breakfast with my dad and enjoyed the day organizing things (I love when my things are organized even if my emotional life isn't). I did see one of my BIL today that is a complete mess. He is married but cheated on his wife whom he has 4 kids with multiple times and now has a possible child by another woman. He lives with another woman and her kids and sleeps with her as well. He asked me if I moved here, I told him yes, and then he said "well, sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't...marriages just don't work sometimes and you gotta keep it moving." I said well I want my marriage to work.

[jasper67]

UGH- terrible POV of BIL---yea, keep moving and never learn- great attitude

[Allen A]

I got the book Allen but haven't had time to read it yet. I am still reading Not Just Friends in the middle of baking two cakes and 40 cupcakes for this weekend :-)

OK, well, you can help mb28 out when you have finished reading. You two should both be each other's phone intermediaries .. somehow I think if mb28's husband called you to talk to mb28 he woulnd't be gettin very far. lol

Sorry to hear about your BIL. Its a shame. First he makes a LOT of HUGE mistakes, but makes them even worse by cowardly waiving his hand at the whole thing and avoiding any repsonsability for it.

Adults make mistakes just like children, but Adults also clean their mess up.

[4luv]

I haven't updated because well nothing really to say in my semi-protection phase. I am guessing that is also why mb28 hasn't updated either :-)

Again, haven't been fully NC but almost. It feels like husband has just written me off (he might feel that from me too even though it is not true). We probably communicate every other day or every two days at this point instead of our usual multiple times a day. He called to ask me our son's size while he was shopping and then told me about some physical therapy appointment he went to. I didn't act or seem interested and just ended the call after telling him what size to get son. In an earlier call during the beginning of this week when he was wishing my mom a happy bday, he told me that he was ready to move on. The next time we talked (a few days later) I missed some of his calls and when I called him back he acts like he called me by accident so I say ok then I am gonna go. He then tells me that I am acting cold and distant but this is also after he told me that he was ready to move on. I didn't remind him of his comment the other day that he was ready to move on but simply said I had to get back to work.

It really does feel like husband is moving on. Husband didn't come to the therapist meeting (called to say he couldn't make it down). We don't talk which is actually fine with me at this time. My husband has made himself the victim. HE thinks that I am treating him cold, I left him, he is the victim and he must figure out how to move on.

Its a fine line to lovingly detach. I am not sad for some reason (most likely due to the nice weather :-)) but I am in a state of asking myself where is this marriage going. I am willing to put in the work but husband hasn't moved towards me and instead is moving away as I pull back on communication. Any suggestions? I guess this why I feared that complete NC would really signal to husband that I have moved on completely.

[Allen A]

Your husband is used to being able to manipulate you easier. He's likley expressing that fact by referring to you as "cold"

He has to find a way to react to your "180" really, your protection phase is going to throw him for some time until he has figured out how to deal.

It's not going to immediatley phase him.

[4luv]

Hey Allen :-)

Thx for the reply...you have been busy lately :-)

Yes, I guess I am doing a 180. Never looked at it like that. My FT is VERY good. He kind of came to the same conclusion as you and others that husbands affairs and the "adrenaline rush" he gets from controlling people, etc is sociopathic behavior. We haven't really been focusing on saving the marriage at this point (since husband isn't attending) but I have been focusing on myself, learning that husband's behaviors are his to own and have nothing to do with my reflection of me, and just getting stronger. I probably didn't convey that well in my previous post but I do feel stronger. I don't feel the need to talk about husband all the time. The really AWESOME thing is the doors that God keeps opening for me in the meantime. Its like I went through a year of not paying attention to life and just focusing on my marriage and my husband. I missed alot of things but now I notice it ALL.

Also my son is getting to the FUN age. he can throw a ball, he likes to play chase (while crawling REALLY fast...lol), he loves swinging. All the things that he couldn't really do just a few months ago. My parents live near the beach so I can't wait to take him there. Oh, and my baking hobby is starting to produce some money by accident almost. Now, I just have to refocus on my engineering career because I have lost focus on my job a little. But life is moving on and I am enjoying it :-)