My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[Gardener]

hm,

thanks, gardener. People ought to be ashamed, really. I actually told her principal that--that by failing to address bullying by other students and one particular teacher, he's made a difficult time in her life even worse. No response, of course.

Of course, you're right. Mine are all in their thirties so I failed to realize that other very real side of it; the divorce orphan.

I had an interesting revelation today that keeps unfolding for me. Can't remember the thread, but it was a discussion about what women want in men--to be loved, respected, cherished, protected, and to have leadership. and it dawned on me--YES!! absolutely. I've been in marriages where I had to do it all--and felt disrespected, unloved, certainly never protected but often abandoned during bad times. For years I hated myself for being unable to resolve my persistent resentment--but it was about that. And somehow I expected myself, as a 20th century professional woman, not to need those things. I just didn't get it. Now, stepping back and having some perspective, I get it. I was aware that I made poor choices--but I don't think I really understood quite why they were poor, so I wasn't sure I'd ever trust myself again. I feel like a weight has been lifted!!!

Very interesting insight. My theory of resentment, discussed ad nauseam on my last thread a few months back is this: We don't - can't - resent another person for their actions or inactions. Such resentment is misdirected so we don't have to point it inwards and admit we resent ourselves. Resent ourselves for accepting the unacceptable, for not speaking up, speaking out, making our needs known, setting boundaries, etc.

Anyway, when it dawned on me, it certainly resonated with me: I didn't resent her. After all, I think resentment builds up over time, through repetition. I resented my own growing acquiescing. And this was very uncharacteristic of me. At some point over the years I became too agreeable, too acquiescing. Lost me no small measure of respect in her estimation, I'm sure.