I know it seems like I'm talkingto myself here, but I'm confused. Today I called my wife for our weekly scheduled phone call. She asked me how much time I hd and she put my D4 to bed. She asked why I called D14 on Tuesday, and I told her I always call her on Tuesday. She asked if I could call a different night because that's the night she has IC and isn't home. She want's D14 to concentrate on D4. I agreed and chose another day.
I was very calm on the telephone. She had emailed me from work and said she wanted to talk to me beacause she was angry about the night before. Me calling while D14 was watching D4. I stuck to the points, listened and agreed when needed, and compromised like readjusting the day. We finished the conversation with small talk, and then I got off to go to work. I feel doing and saying all the right things, but the truth is when we meet up face to face.
Towards the end of the conversation she asked about how things would be when I came home. W asked me if I wanted the first few days with the kids when I got home. I replied yes absolutely because I miss them and they miss me. W said she would pick me up form the airport, take us home then she would leave for her friends house. I asked if she literally meant she would drop us off, tag off to me, and leave. She repilied with yes, how did you think it was going to be. I told her I thought we would visit for a little while.
I realize she doesn't want to be with me right now, and I realize she wants to feel things out when I get home. I just have a hard time with the fact i left 6 months ago with what apeared to be a wife that loves me, and I'm going home to one that apears not to. I look forward to getting home and seeing my girls, but I'm not looking forward to what lies ahead.
I haven't read the entire thread yet, has anyone suggested the possibility of another man? Seriously, she is getting mad at you for calling your older daughter at home who is watching your younger daughter while your wife is at her "counsellor's" appointment? Why, what would possibly happen while you're on the phone with your daughter, if anything you ask her to bring your younger daughter in the same room as her and all 3 of you could talk on the phone.
You're in Afghanistan, literally a war zone but she says that she's going to pick you up from the airport, drop you off at home so that you can be with the kids and she isn't going to spend anytime talking to you, listening to any new stories/developments, talking about the kids, what's happened while you've been away, maybe share a meal with you and the kids when you return home.
Doesn't this strike anyone else as being extremely cold hearted?
What is at this "friends" house that is so important.
Look I'm not trying to stir up the pot but I follow my intuition and lately I'm just on a hot streak, the WAW behavior is way too predictable once you get you used to spotting the signs.
You said it yourself, you left 6 months ago with what appeared to be a wife that loved you and now you have a wife that doesn't love you. Something doesn't add up, what particular signals this for me is the abrupt, cold, cruel and angry behavior she is exhibiting - what is causing this inside of her.
I'm going to tell you now, you don't have to support 2 households, she's a big girl, if she wants to leave because you're coming home and living in the same house, let her but you don't have to pay her way at another place. You're being too nice and she knows you're afraid to lose her and she uses this and as long as you continue to be too nice she'll get angrier, colder, spiteful and more cruel and I hate telling you this because you're wondering what you have to look forward to when you come home.
Here's your 180 if you want my advice, when you get home, ignore her, when she drops you off at home, just say "yup thanks" and go hang out with the kids. When you get home, have a plan, prepare to go out with the kids, restaurant, somewhere kid friendly & fun, go do something, you've definitely earned it and stop worrying about your wife's actions.
Stop worrying about supporting 2 households, you only have to support the one household you live in, don't make any assumptions yet as to what you owe her, you already have this defeatist attitude which is super unattractive. If she wants to go let her, but you don't have to expect that you have to finance her "waywardness".
Your attitude is this, let go of the people that don't value you or the relationship they have with you. The sooner you adopt this mental attitude, the better you will be and the quicker things will turn around.
Something has sparked her new attitude, I guarantee it. But... I don't want you to start making accusations. You do this the smart way. You do some investigating, speak with friends that you can trust that have been around while you weren't, someone has noticed something peculiar, someone always does, no matter how well people cover their tracks, there is always some loose end that wasn't considered. Watch her attitude, if she's cold, abrasive, angry, almost seems like she's pushing you around and calling the shots, I can tell you that kind of attitude usually gets generated when a spouse is in an affair and they feel like they're angry with you because when they look at you it reminds them that what they're doing isn't necessarily the right thing, they don't like feeling guilty, your image reminds them of this but instead of feeling sad & remorseful, they feel angry because you're in the way of that happiness. My suggestion, let her have her "happiness" but don't finance her new place, let her do the work when it comes to her filing, getting a lawyer and all that stuff. Your attitude will be "you can do all of that just don't expect me to help you do that because I don't have to", plain & simple.
I wish I could offer something different tbart but for now, that's where it stands. Be safe where you are, come home safe for your kids, that's your priority, stay focused on your tasks while you're over there, no one needs to concentrate on this bull$hit when they have such a dangerous occupation.
