New here but have been a voyeur

[Puppy Dog Tails]

"Got it -- thanks."

[lolawar]

thank you Puppy...you should really charge per response...I don't trust myself right now in saying or doing the right thing.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

thank you Puppy...you should really charge per response...

No one would be able to afford me!!!

[pearlharbr]

thank you Puppy...you should really charge per response

If that were the case, I'd have to be on the payment plan for the next ten years!

Lola, I'm a bit concerned that you're responding so quickly to H whenever he contacts. Start making yourself wait at least two hours before returning a text or call. It may not sound like a big deal but it signals that you are readily available to H and that you will stop whatever you're doing for him. And that means you are not emotionally detached. IMHO you're still very much caught up in what H thinks, what H wants, how H will react to what you say/do.

This is supposed to be time for you to figure out what you want to do. Time for H to prove to you that he is committed to this M. Take a step back and give yourself this space.

[jasper67]

^ great advice

[pearlharbr]

And FWIW, I would ask for passwords to all of his online accounts including his mobile phone bill. That way you can check whenever you want so he doesn't have a chance to go through and delete or change things. You will probably obssess about checking at first but eventually, if you don't find anything suspicious, you'll stop checking all the time.

If he has nothing to hide then he won't have a problem with it.
I'm not sure how it would work since your H is a L and client confidentiality is an issue. But he should be willing to figure out a way to make it work somehow.

IRT stop thinking about OW: yes, that's ideal. But we're only human and the specter of the OW will haunt you for a while. Eventually you get to the point where you realize that there's always a way to be sneaky and if H really wants to see/talk to/be with OW then he will. But at the beginning it's completely understandable and reasonable that you want to be reassured and you want to verify that he is being honest. As I explained to BF, he's proven himself to be a liar and he now needs to prove himself to be honest.

[lolawar]

Thank you Pearl
You are right and I do really need to wait. He emailed me awhile back and told me to not worry about the tix..I didn't respond again. I guess I got overly excited. I really was expecting him to be speaking with her. He has his own apartment right now so there is nothing stopping him. I got carried away.

I will ask for his password for the phone but his email account will be very difficult. I don't think that he will be communicating to her through that work account..his bosses know and told him that he couldn't continue his A and if he did, someone would have to leave...so he would have to come up with another way. I don't think he has other email accounts...I can ask..but not sure how I would find out.

I am a very good detective...hence the tape recorder. I just need to find creative ways to spy without driving myself crazy. The days that I taped him...my heart would be in my throat the entire day. I don't want to live like that ever again.

It is difficult to not worry about OW. I blame my husband completely for this...however, the OW texted me when I found out about the affair claiming that it was all a big misunderstanding and wanted to talk to me. I responded to her that I will deal with my H. That has always stuck with me. Also because she is an office who&e...I would love to tell her exactly what I think..but I won't. I wrote a letter to her at one point...but didnt send it. I guess it made me feel better...not as good as punching her between the eyes...OK..I need to settle down I know.
MC in 45 minutes...no need to get myself all worked up.

[lolawar]

I also realize that I need to take this time and think about what I want. I am still completely unsure what I want. Well that is not completely true...I know what i want..but I am just not sure if he can be that person. That is my dilemma. It feels like so much time has passed since he has been the man I married..I feel like he is a stranger..it is such a weird and uncomfortable feeling.

[Truegritter]

[quote=pearlharbr
This is supposed to be time for you to figure out what you want to do. Time for H to prove to you that he is committed to this M. Take a step back and give yourself this space.[/quote]

Hey how do I get that cool box to show up here when I quote?

I agree. Give him some slack in the line (sorry I'm a fisheman) see if he's still on the hook. If he means it he's not going anywhere. If he doesn't well you'll know that too.

[marriedCrazy]

You almost had it...if you had put a close bracket ']' after pearlharbor's name; it would've been in the cool box..