Just re-read my last post. Sorry about the whining. Sometimes when I am posting, I just let my mind go and lose all of the hard earned control that I have worked for. I am in a much better place that I was a month ago when I found this site. I know this and I know I will be OK no matter what I will get stronger as time goes by, and I will be the person I want to be and the father that my kids need.
Either that or lose my mind. I think I was almost there and that is no longer an option!
I agree about the photos and positive memories- VERY KEY and the right thing to do.
You are fortunate that W is there and have a huge benefit w/ that and your 180's
Keep positive and light- read up on the attributes/characteristics of the WAW and that should help alleviate some of the anxiety
It is a long haul and its great advice about putting any immediate gratification or signs of hope/progress out of your mind...reduce your stress and you can help reduce WAW's
I know I am fortunate that my wife is still in the same house with us. I can't let myself worry about what might or might not happen. Easier said than done, of course, but I can and must do it.
GAL- Went to my sister's house tonight after work to help her put together a computer desk. Sent W txt telling her where I was going. Got desk put together and went out for supper and then back to her house to have a few drinks. W txt me @ 9:30-are you still at sisters house? I waited about 1/2 hour and txt back-yes. Haven't heard from her since. Having a good time, maybe she's wondering.....?
Just re-read my last post. Sorry about the whining. Sometimes when I am posting, I just let my mind go and lose all of the hard earned control that I have worked for.
You don't have to be strong here on the board all the time. This is the place to vent, whine, or whatever it takes to regroup and not let all that out in front of your family.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
GAL- Went to my sister's house tonight after work to help her put together a computer desk. Sent W txt telling her where I was going. Got desk put together and went out for supper and then back to her house to have a few drinks. W txt me @ 9:30-are you still at sisters house? I waited about 1/2 hour and txt back-yes. Haven't heard from her since. Having a good time, maybe she's wondering.....?
Hard as it may be, don't concern yourself with whether she's "wondering" or not. Just enjoy the company of others. This is going to be a long, long, long, long process. The only status reports you must concern yourself with are those pertaining to you. She is likely to give off a lot of false signals disguised as very encouraging progress. If you see these signals don't get sucked in by them as I did, just keep doing what you are doing.
I am of the mindset now that reconciliation has to be initiated by them, not us. We see encouraging signs and we want to jump on them and take the initiative. But I think that leads to disappointment. When/if they ever become ready for it, they will take that step. Then you have a better chance of their heart being in to it. Otherwise it could be just them feeling guilty or coerced by you, and the effort could collapse like a house of cards.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
W left this morning for a two day trip to go to a concert with her sisters. She asked me a couple of weeks ago to take the days off work to watch kids and get them off the bus and to school funtions. I really thought about telling her no, if you want to go, you find someone to watch them untill I get off of work. But, they are my resposibility too, and I just couldn't tell her that. She just has no idea what it would be like if I wasn't here so she could go do all of her running. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't mind at all, but things aren't normal, are they? I did get a kiss good-bye. Big deal.
I took the kids to a movie and out to eat for S fourth b'day Sat. We all had a good time. We have a motocross game that he likes to play and you can change the # of your character. His guy had the #3, and when he played it that night, after about 15 min., he called me into the room and told me to change his guy's # to 4 because he was 4 now and his guy had to be 4 too. God, he is such a good kid, they all are!
Trying to stay positive and as detached as I can. It was hard watching her leave this morning, but I was all smiles and told her to have a good time and to be carefull. She has been in an OK mood the last few days, maybe she's just excited about the concert. Who knows, but it's better than being a B all the time. I miss the good old days, I miss my wife.
But, they are my resposibility too, and I just couldn't tell her that.
I do not agree with this action one bit! You enabled her to run off and act like some teenager who has no children. They aren't your responsibility to look after while she is being a WAW and playing around. Your responsibillity is to hold down a job! You actually took off work to do this for your WAW and then say that she wouldn't know what it's like without you? When are you going to start making that happen?
Quote:
I did get a kiss good-bye.
Do you want to hear what she was thinking when she gave you that kiss? "Sucker!!"
You said you just couldn't tell her no? You make a round shape with your lips and say it very smoothly!! Until you learn how to say that word, you're sunk.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You're right, of course, Sandi. Like I said, though, if this was like the old days and things were good between us, I wouldn't mind at all. It is her and her sisters. No big deal. I know it's not the old days. I hate being such a nice guy! I'm trying to be there for my kids and, at the same time, trying to figure out how to...what? stand up to her? Just reading that makes me sound like such a pu$$y! How did I let this happen? All I have ever tried to be is a good dad and husband. I've been told by my family and her family, what a good dad I was and how it's great that I am that close to all my kids. They wish their husbands were as involved in their kids lives as I am. I'm not tooting my own horn at all. I am far from the perfect father. We always said to each other, now that we have kids, they are our first priority. We don't make a lot of money and stopped doing things together so we could do more with the kids. That was after we had the twins. After the other two, I was satisfied doing things with them and every once in a while the two of us going out. She always said her priorities were the same. I guess "sucker" fits me about right. I know I am guilty of not telling her how much I loved her and appriciated her and the two of us took our relationship for granted. I didn't look to someone else to fill that void. I thought that after the kids grew up, and they grow up so fast, there would be more than enough time for us. I would always be there for her and she for me. Wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get so caught up in being patient, not asking questions and validating her that I guess I forgot to keep looking for my balls. I will have to move that to the top of my list! I am a good dad, I want to be a good husband, but I don't want to be a sucker anymore.
Thanks, Sandi. It's good to hear from you again. Hope you are doing well.
I will get stronger as time goes by, and I will be the person I want to be and the father that my kids need.