Maybe you should see an MD, relaxation techniques are great, but when anxiety gets you into a place that puts you through loosing unnecessary weight, or you cannot function for long periods of time, a little chemical balancing may do the trick, it has helped a lot of people.
maynard... my husband has said almost all of those things... and then some.
Burt, I dont know, I have reservations about getting on medication, I think it will make me feel bad about myself even more so, like I couldnt handle my own emotions... i dont know. But I think I might be seeing a doctor, or psychiatrist, because I am being seen in "mental health" at a clinic. I have my appt on tuesday, I told them I wanted to have individual counseling for marriage issues, so I am not sure who I am seeing. I guess I could bring it up and see what they think...
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Psychiatrist would be great because he is an md and can see whether or not something could help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking something to help you get through a particular rough patch. There is no reason to feel like a failure, who has to know except you? Makes you think more clearly and when you can do that it really helps with the situation.
You remind me of those women who want natural child birth but when something goes wrong they have to resort to a cesarean and then they feel like a failure. Holding a beautiful newborn in their arms that they created and still feeling like a failure. One thing I know as I have been through two childbirths with my wife is that there is nothing "natural" about childbirth, whew, rough stuff. lol
A lot has happened here in the last few days! Okay, let me try to catch up and hit the key points that you asked about.
Making Love - In the books, MWD makes it clear that this is your decision. If you know and ACCEPT that it will not lead to a full reconcilliation immediately following, go for it. If you are afraid your feelings will take over and you will be needy and ask for him back afterwards, I recommend not. It's okay to tell him that with the way things are now, you don't think that's a good idea, it seems too much like casual sex and you respect yourself too much to only be used for a release... something along those lines, fitted according to your own beliefs.
Time - I don't want to scare you here, but I should mention that there are people who have been on this board for years. Reading some of the success stories, you'll see it took some of them quite a few months or longer. All depends on the damage involved. You don't want a quick, half-way reconcilliation because the problems will not be addressed as needed and you'll end up right back where you started. Patience is key. Repeat that word to yourself as often as possible: patience. Post it up as a reminder. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Individual counseling - Who cares if you just use it for venting? At least you're getting it out. You need someone to listen to you without judgement and allow you to get that stuff off your chest. Better than getting angry at your H, right? Of course, we're here if you want to vent to us too. Be selfish about it, just let it all out. We all know the more anxiety you keep inside, the more it gnaws at you and keeps you up at night.
Weight Loss - I lost 30lbs (that I couldn't afford to lose) the first two months. If you think medication will help, by all means talk to your doctor. Otherwise, your appetite eventually does return, but your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) is getting in the way - you're too busy being anxious about your situation, so your body naturally suppresses your appetite. When you two fell in love, believe it or not, you probably reacted the same way. The nerves make it hard to eat.
And lastly, just know you're on the right path. It's a hard one, for sure, but it's (IMO) the right one. I believe in you, I believe it will get easier. Right now you need something to take your mind off the sitch for a while - movies maybe? I'm not sure what options for entertainment are available to you there.
Good luck and hugs!
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Thank you Cautious... that was a great post! I started reading DR yesterday, I am about a quarter of the way thru... Reading the part about the 5 stages of a marriage, I believe we are in stage 3, and it makes me just want to shake my H and say "hey!! we are normal!! and we CAN get passed this!!" lol doesnt it just drive you crazy that we cant make our spouses read that book??!! lol
I might say something to the Dr, if it is in fact a Dr I am seeing, about my anxiety, cause to be honest I am getting pretty tired of these restless nights and empty stomach.
I think I have heard the last I am going to hear from my H until he gets home on Thursday, he starts traveling in two days. I am just going to get these books read, get my house cleaned from top to bottom (finally) and try to get as mentally prepared as possible for the next leg of this journey.
Question: Should I read both DR and DB? Is one better than the other? Do they contradict eachother at all?
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
I haven't actually read DR, but DB states that it's the best of DR with some suggestions from readers. The books also always say "Do what works, discard what doesn't". So if both books work for you, great. If only one is necessary, also awesome.
And yes, I fantasize about telling my ex the same things. Shame I couldn't get a grip sooner.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
yeah I agree... I havent been doing a whole lot around my house lately... I just get on these boards or curl up in a ball... I have lost all motivation, but I dont want my H coming back to a messy house so I need to get my butt in gear.
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
what do you guys think i should do about offering my H the bed and I take the couch? He had said in his last email to me "I will be staying at the house and not moving to the dorms, but i got dibs on the bed lol"... so the lol throws me off, not sure how serious he is with that... so I thought about just right off the bat taking the couch so that we dont have to discuss it or argue or someone feel uncomfortable...?
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Meghunny, my suggestion to you is that it YOUR bed too... Thats where you are comfortable and probably get the most rest. Which is needed.. Its him who doesnt want to be there, then he goes to the couch. YOU STAY IN YOUR BED!!.. It doesnt mean you need to be all cuddly and stuff. You on your side, and he on his.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
