Hi Sage, I had to read over your post. I was so sad last night and could only think that it was because of all that's happened. I know my H wondered what was wrong with me. I hope he did not think "There she goes again. Into her moodiness." I tried REALLY hard to not show it, but I couldn't help it. I might have told him what I was feeling if I KNEW MYSELF. He must think I will never be happy witht him. I'm still confused this morning about my feelings. I guess I'm just so sad over all that has happened, and wonder if we can ever get back what we once had. This is kind of a new feeling-I've been so busy being "upbeat" that this has hit me pretty hard. I don't like feeling this way. I'm angry that I've been forced to go through all these strong emotions because of what he's done. He seems to be even keel all the time. It isn't fair. I just want to feel "normal" again. It's been so long I hardly remember what it feels like. I guess this is another phase I need to work through. I feel like I have to hide it from my H because I'm afraid he wouldn't understand. If anything he should be helping me through this, but it seems I'm always aware of HIS emotions and adjusting MINE to accomodate him. I'm not sure that's HIS fault. I think the problem is mine. I'm not as good as you at excepting all these emotions and embracing them. This sadness is so profound it almost feels like depression. I DON'T want to go back there. I'm not sure what hit me, but it's hit hard. Not sure what to do with it. All I wnt to do is go home and pull the covers over my head and stay there. What is this?? Rachael
short day (have school) so I probably won't be on much -- gotta get those positives out there...
1. I met h after school -- I had errands to do in town so I hung around, went to dinner solo and then met up with him to give him a ride home. It was nice to hang out in town solo for a bit and also nice to see him at the end of the night!
2. I bought h a sandwich as a surprise. after I met him, while we were walking back to the car he asked if we could stop for a slice...I asked if he wanted the sandwich instead and he was very happy and appreciative! He's mentioned it a few times as a really thoughtful gesture!
3. he's been VERY verbally affectionate over the last few days -- I **heart** the fact that h tells me often ILY but he's even kicked it up a notch for the last few days...I can really hear his love for me.
Rachael -- I promise you that I will visit you on your thread sometime today...I've been lurking many times and have often thought to post but never have.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Sage, I'll look for you to stop by. I think alot of my dsadness has to come from FEAR.Fear that this won't last. He's come home before and he wasn't really ready although for a time he was very loving. I'm afraid now is the same thing-that he will be this way for awhile and then decide that he does not really want to be with me. That really scares me. It makes me afraid to think this is real. That he's really out of the tunnel. Did you go through this??? I don't want to give him the impression I don't want to be with him. I have to get my emotions under control! Yikes! Rachael
I forgot...I really like my cainercast for the last 2 days:
YESTERDAY: Thankfully, emotional debts don't accrue interest in quite the same way as the financial kind. Otherwise, we would never be free. You are now a little too keenly conscious of what you are owed and what may be owing to you. Make less calculation. Be more relaxed. Just do what feels right in your heart and never mind what your head says. Allow someone else the freedom to do the same. Then, slowly, all that now seems so complicated and uncomfortable will resolve itself amicably and easily.
TODAY: "Look well to this day... for yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is only a vision..." This ancient Indian poem has lost not one jot of its relevance since it was written. Which is interesting really. We live in a world where today's cutting edge technology, is tomorrow's pile of old junk. Fashions too, come and go like tides. Sound philosophies though, never date or diminish. Your key to success involves dealing well and wisely with what's happening right here, right now. That's all.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
