Quote: But I freak myself out sometimes...and it's all focused on fears of what COULD happen and it's nearly all centered around that AWFUL time of knowing that something was going on and having h lie to me over and over and over again. So I get myself wrapped up in...oh, what if he falls in love with her and starts distancing himself from me and starts acting angry and I feel powerless again and ...
{{Sage}} I got a funny mental picture when I read this. I thought "Tal, do you ACTUALLY believe that Wolfie wasn't very traumatized by this whole experience too? Do you actually believe that he's like some out-of-control philanderer who would jump on any woman who becomes a friend--as though he is a robot programed for that and has learned NOTHING from this whole awful episode?"
Silly, huh? I don't think Wolfie would put himself through again for ANYTHING or ANYONE (I don't care what charms she has). I don't think your H is very likely to either. They'd probably see the signs much quicker now, and logic alone says they are much less likely to have an A than they were before, right?
I think I know where you are coming from about the ff thing, though. You want to know that there are clear and commonly understood boundaries. You want to know that he will see the red flags and run like hell. Me too, girl!
Wolfie mentioned a book about Emotional Infidelity and the way having ff's, especially at work, can slowly escalate until it is out-of-control and becoming a full-blown A. I suggested that we read this book together and so I ordered it.
I have always felt that Wolfie was somewhat naive and didn't have well-thought out boundaries in that very area, and I want us to agree, together, that clear boundaries are a bottom-line for me.
