Remove the emotion from romantic/marriage situations and think in terms of other things.
I have a good friend who went on vacation to Mexico. On the day she flew home her father died really suddenly. He was young.. in his mid 50's and keeled over from a heart attack at work and died a few moments later. She was very close to her father. Her father died while her plane was in the air and her mother decided it was best to wait until she got home to tell her. My friend had a connection in Chicago and turned her cell on to find a message from another friend saying how sorry she was about her dad. My friend had NO CLUE what was going on. She found out her dad died from a message another friend left while in the Chicago airport. Then somehow had to pull herself together to complete the rest of her travels.
Now that the funeral is over and things have settled down everything is hitting her hard. Last Saturday night I sat with her until 4:30 am and she was so sad, crying and just destroyed. I can hug her and be there for her but I felt it was okay to ask her what she needed from me. Was there anything I wasn't doing that I could be doing to help her.
What is so needy and wrong about that?
I am unsure if you are just talking in generalities or what. In a marriage I still don't understand why it would not be a positive thing to ask your spouse (A) what their needs are and (B) express your needs.
Before things go to sh*t in a marriage maybe less sh*t would happen if two spouses could freely express their needs (and be very open to the others needs) without feeling defensive or assuming a conflict will take place.
