I must say that if CJ were on campus with his school, (as opposed to online) it WOULD raise many more fears for me.
Which in a way is paradoxical as BOTH of his A's began as on-line chat pals!
It's weird...most of the time I'm really fine with all this. I mean "sage shocks herself by how NOT freaked out she is" fine. He was gone all day Sat. and I just didn't even feel a twinge. Not one.
But I freak myself out sometimes...and it's all focused on fears of what COULD happen and it's nearly all centered around that AWFUL time of knowing that something was going on and having h lie to me over and over and over again. So I get myself wrapped up in...oh, what if he falls in love with her and starts distancing himself from me and starts acting angry and I feel powerless again and ...
and it obviously just resonates that ow started as a ff and progressed to an ea through "alone time" and "chats" and "IM'ing" and "email". I just can't see striking up a personal and non-shared 1-on-1 r. with a guy so I get stuck here sometimes. I just want to hear from h that he understands that a confidential r. with another w. may leave him vulnerable...us vulnerable. Or, maybe he just doesn't believe that...maybe it's not true. Maybe the only thing that makes "us" vulnerable is the crud that was going on in our m. at the time ow made her appearance. Ah, who the heck knows????
Can you say horrendous cheeseless tunnel filled with goo?
I can!
Quote: Well it's all words until my CJ gets backt to the real work world. I DID have a heart clench when he mentioned taking back the cell phone once his consulting work gets underway (many months off, but still!! )
well...I can understand the heart clench...but you'll deal with it just fine when it happens...and we'll give you maps to get out of the tunnels!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Nice to see you girlfriend!
) 
