I know that it is important for me to tell him what my needs are...but I guess right now I want to see what he is made of. Not what I am making him into.
Lola I think this is very important. I am new to all this so maybe Puppy and Pearl can help. There is no rush here. No rush to make sure he's not seeing OW. No rush to go to MC. No rush to see if your M is back on track.
Make the focus on you. His trying to drag you in because he feels guilty or to see if you're still in is B.S. You're in control here. So you detach for a while. You go to IC. You figure out you. If he tries to pressure you back into this "are we on or off" discussion tell him you need space. Tell him you're taking time for yourself.
You shouldn't have to have assurances he's not seeing OW. When you (and H if he decides to show up independent of you) get to the right place you won't need assurances. He hasn't shown up yet except a lame text. That's what I see. I see a conditional commitment from H to work only if you respond or take charge.
Sit back and see what happens. I think it will be immensely telling how he responds to it.
My W did the same thing over the weekend. I hear nothing and then "I was thinking about you hope you had a nice weekend." I didn't answer till monday afternoon.
Bottom line take time FOR YOU.
Grit
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
