Next steps

[talia]

Aver,
I said this to someone else today... I have a notebook full of letters to H. All the things I want to say but couldn't for various reasons. I might suggest that for you - it was a great suggestion by my therapist. It gave me a chance to express how I was feeling without having to express them to H.

Now I can look back and see the improvements in my PMA. I think you are right - you have been avoiding your feelings in all this. (In response to your posts on my thread) Time to stop doing that. The reason you are feeling the way you do is because the longer you "stuff" your feeling the worse they are when they finally break out. Time to face them - head on - and deal. THATS what it means to label your feelings. To truly understand WHAT you are feeling - honor it for what it is - deal with it however it should be - move on.

My best example of this... the first time I actually DID it...

I asked H back in Nov to NOT file for D until after the holiday's, I didn't need the added stress. He agreed. Come 12/26 I was starting to panic. I thought I would hear from him right away about filing for D. Nothing Nothing Nothing till mid Jan. Then the email - sent to my work - "We need to meet to figure this out". I started to get the total devastated sobbing feeling... you know the one. I started to tell myself "You have no reason to feel this way, its not a surprise" "You've been expecting this for weeks, why are you upset" "He's given you no indication he has changed his mind, you shouldn't feel sad"... You get the idea.

Then I thought about it - and my therapy - and stopped myself. I left work early - at noon. I went home and I CRIED - all afternoon. I DO have the right to feel that way - its a TERRIBLE experience. I HONORED my feelings... cried all afternoon. Talked to my mom, my BFF, and cried some more. By early evening - I felt better and that was it. I wasn't sad about the email any more after that. By honoring my feelings they didn't ruin the rest of my week or throw me back from months of progress. I didn't feel guilty about it or beat myself up for needing the time... I just let it go and felt good that I took care of my mental health.

Not sure if this example helps explain the "label your feelings" stuff - I hope it helps you understand what I mean...

(((AVER)))))
Hang in there - you are just starting the emotional journey - cut yourself some slack!!! Put YOU first...

T