How (and who) to expose if OP is not married

[4luv]

As Allen (and my dad) pointed out I have to be very careful with my wording as my husband displays some sociopath behaviors. I have always been emotional in our relationship and I am worried that this letter sounds a little too emotional.

Part of me wants to send this and part of me wants to just ignore him outright and let him think that I have moved on. This is a version of the letter that has a less emotional tone:

Dear Mr. 4luv,

I love you and I married you for life. I want to remain married to you. I am willing and committed to doing what it takes to be the spouse you've always wanted and to address the things that I did wrong in our marriage.

Your recent dating and your past admitted affairs are so painful for me that it will destroy the love I have for you. In order to protect those feelings I must end all contact with you. As soon as you have stopped dating and I can assure that the affairs are over I would love to talk with you about our future. Until that time please respect my wish for no contact.

In an emergency you can reach me through text. Arrangements for seeing children and handling finances can be handled via text or email.

Dear Mr. 4luv,

I love you and I married you for life. I want to remain married to you. I am willing to address the things that I did wrong in our marriage. However, your recent dating and past affairs are hurtful and to protect my feelings for you I will not have contact with you while you are engaging in that activity. When you stop your hurtful activity then we can talk about our future. Until that time please respect my wish to not talk to you.

In an emergency you can reach me through text. Arrangements for seeing children and handling finances can be handled via text or email.

Sincerely,
4luv

[4luv]

Everyday I am going to focus on improving myself and my life and post my goals (I got the idea from chatterbug and luvless). I will put an (x) by goals that I accomplish.

Today I am:
1. Getting my car fixed (x)
2. working out (x)
3. cooking dinner
4. organizing my room and baby's room
5. bake and take pics for website

[WhatNow]

Both are good. I think I like "painful" better than merely "hurtful". IDK.

And maybe instead of "I can assure" say "you can assure me"???

[4luv]

Thx WhatNow. here is the new version

Dear Mr. 4luv,

I love you and I married you for life. I want to remain married to you. I am willing to address the things that I did wrong in our marriage. However, your recent dating and past affairs are painful and to protect my feelings for you I will not have contact with you while you are engaging in that activity. As soon as you stop your painful activity and you can assure me that the past affairs are over then we can talk about our future. Until that time please respect my wish to not talk to you.

In an emergency you can reach me through text. Arrangements for seeing children and handling finances can be handled via text or email.

Sincerely,
4luv

[4luv]

Is the above letter ok to email as is?

Also, what do I do in regards to contact during the therapy session? I have actuallly been thinking of not attending therapy with husband and letting him go on his own to the FT that I picked out. I can find another therapist for myself at this point.

[Allen A]

NO...

YOu need to STOP calling it DATING

It's called CHEATING

[Allen A]

Did you see what you did?

He called you and said "dating" and now YOU write a letter to HIM and he somehow has YOU referring to INFIDELITY as DATING...

IS that what mb28's husband is doing? Dating? What about maynard's wife.. is she dating? What about puppy's wife, was she dating too?

Seriously.. give me a few mins to read over this, but I HAD to say that just in case I didnt' catch you in time...

NEVER write things the way HE WANTS to hear them.

[4luv]

You caught me Allen :-) I didn't send the email yet. I can finally say that I went a full day of NC whatsoever. I don't plan on seeing him this weekend either when he comes to visit son. I have to make arrangements to drop off son with someone anyway because I am throwing my mom a bday party and the restaurant is not suited for babies.

What are your thoughts on me not going to the therapy session. If husband doesn't come this weekend then I will still keep the session for myself but at this point I am so tired of husband's head games with me that I don't even feel comfortable sharing my feelings with him in a therapy session. I don't trust that his intentions are true right now and would like to spare myself from any further manipulation.

[Allen A]

You go whether he goes or not.

My advice is for the therapist to not even HAVE you both there.. some therapists like to do a double for the first session to study the dynamic of you both together..

Others will keep you two separate for three or four sessions until they can see you both clearly and THEN they do the double

My vote is for the second one..

It really is a choice for YOU and your therapist

If you are NOT comfortable in the dobule, then you TELL your therapist you want separate sessions... they SHOULD respect that

and since you are NOT contacting him right now, it SHOULD be separate sessions right?

[Allen A]

Re the phone... why would your mother keep those texts?

New rule

Give your mom the phone

Your mother CLEARS the history of any calls or texts from him... BEFORE you see the phone!!!

The IDEA of NO CONTACT is supposed to be BOTH WAYS... NOT JUST HIM

YOU are not supposed to read his texts silly.. THAT IS CONTACT

If there is an important message, your mother DELETES the text and she tells you HERSELF what you need to know.. SHE DECIDES FOR YOU if its relevant

Now, the TAXES...

HIRE AN ACCOUNTANT to call him and do the paperwork silly