I'm ready to let her go. Last night she started to play money games again. She expects me to bail her out because she can't budget her money. I'm not surprised. If something cost $20 she will take out $100.
My physical health is not improving, but my mental health is.
I still love her but I cannot continue on this way. In her mind she is single. She continues to flaunt it.
The latest fling with OM was just that. They did it once (so far). She may even be pregnant now. At least I know it's not mine this time. I know all of this from her big mouth. She talks about everything with her coworkers. She thinks people can keep secrets, well they can't. I've heard from several people what she has been doing. There may even be more, but ones enough for me. She continues to lie and disrespect me. I won't stand for it anymore.
I do still love her, but not the way I used to.I'm not going to file for D. She can still do that. That's a stress she can deal with.
This is the letter I would like to send her. I "borrowed" most of this from several posts. It may be too long and I'm all over the place. I would like to say more. I would like to rip her a new one. I am so angry.
Any and all advise is welcome. Feel free to edit.
Dear W,
Please understand that I don't want to get a divorce -- I want to work on the marriage, together. I don't want us to go to our death beds, regretting that we didn't give it everything we have, and that's not what I want to teach S8.
You are right. I don't want to be married to anyone who doesn't love me completely. I deserve to have a woman who loves me with all her heart.
This isn't good enough for me anymore, if you really don't value me or the relationship you have with me, I think it's time to part ways and open up my life to someone smarter who knows what they have when they have it! Your loss not mine!
Your affair is hurting both us and our son and is not healthy.
The affair is so painful for me that it will destroy the love I have for you. In order to protect those feelings any and all contact must be through email until you end your affair for the sake of our son and my emotional and physical health. I feel horrible that you are cheating on me and your son.
Trust is based on actions that are consistent. I don't trust you because you haven’t been consistent. I don’t trust you because you’ve been lying to me, that is what I trust you to continue doing, because you has been lying to me consistently - that's what I can trust.
I wanted you to be trustworthy but I don't need you to be anything, truth be told, I'll be just fine without you, I see that now.
I don't want your cell phone records; I don't want your email or fb password. If I have to monitor you 24/7 to force you to be consistent, that won't work for me because that's not what I want or need.
From now on I'm moving in this direction, if you want to come along, go ahead, I won't control you and tell you that can or can't come but I can't wait for you anymore and you already know that if you're with the OM, you aren't with me, I'm not settling for anything less than that.
If you really want to be with the OM, I really can't say or do anything to stop that and you should be with him if you're willing to lie so much to me, if you can't be true to me that means he's more important to you than I am and you know what... I'm ok with that because I'm more important to me and that's all that matters - I see that now.
If you wanted to be with me, you knew that you had a lot of trust to rebuild and that's only through consistent action and I'm through with pressuring you to be my wife, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me and that's pretty much what it looks like to me so let's stop playing games: you go and be with the OM, I'm ok with that, in fact I'm better than OK, I'm awesome because I'm finally being honest with myself about all of this and that includes being honest about who you are and where you are right now. I know what I'm worth and I've been settling for less for too long.
I can't wait for you anymore, I've spent enough time waiting for you to do the right thing and I know that doesn't work because I would probably have to wait forever and still not get what I wanted. So you can do what you want, be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy and I'm going to start wanting something better for me.
