1. What was it about the "life" that led h to seek pain relief and how can we avoid getting there in the future
This is a complex question. However, I'm gonna take a shot at this. I am a recovering alcoholic, as I think you know, and had to face up to the fact that my problems were of my own making. I have to be happy in order to share happiness with someone else. No one else can make me happy. Your H will learn this as he sees you doing it for yourself...it's contagious. I wanted my H to solve all my problems...wanted H to make me feel good about myself...but that's not how it works. When I figured that out...almost too late in R, but not too late, thank goodness, I started to work on me. I was not unhappy with H...I thought I was. I was really unhappy with ME. Once I started feeling better about myself, I was able to be better to myself and to my H. Then, wonder of wonders, my H started being better to me.
2. Why was cocaine the pain relief of choice...why not something less dire, less hurtful? There's lots of ways to try to ease pain...why pick something that was going to add a very difficult layer onto the problem at hand? Addictions aren't a reasonable thing. Be they sexual, drug, computer, or other oriented. And when we are not feeling good about ourselves, we seek comfort from outside sources. Often, we are also sooo self destructive, we don't believe we deserve anything good in our lives and we sabotage our primary REAL love relationships. It gets back once again to self esteem. I had to figure out that I deserved my H and my M and that I was worth loving. That loving had to start with me learning to love myself.
Does any of this make sense? Yes, Sage, it does. Hope my answers make a little bit of sense and help you a little.
