Try to realize that staying in Vtown (my town) rather than moving to Btown (equally cute little town) will be horribly painful if/when X gets house with GF. First thing they will do (as we often did) will be to walk around town. Hi, hi, hi, ramble, enjoy....and then they will ramble by my new whatever house.
If I want to run to the grocery store for something...they could be there...
Best, perhaps, to move to Btown.
Yet, all of you who have to co-parent have to see X all the time, and either now or eventually with new partner.
What just distracted me just now to the point of tears; what I want to write to X:
Dear X--
I cannot go on with our R like this. I love you, I still love you, and I regret all my actions and words over the years that lead you to doubt my love.
I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to fight over the house. I don't want to take the house that you put so much love into out of spite, or anger. I want you to be happy.
I regret that we never talked about how we got to this point. I'm sorry I never knew the depths of your pain.
I can't bear that our only communication now is legalese house bargaining via email.
I don't know how to move forward and heal myself, and heal myself in relationship to you. I fear the dynamic we are currently setting up will prevent any possible healing between us and future feelings of gentle good remembrance, which would be the best I could hope for.
Etc, etc. sob, tears, except I am at work.
I won't write this to X. I'll never get a chance to say this.
