New here but have been a voyeur

[pearlharbr]

This is why I suggested telling him what you want out of a H and M and see what he does to become that man and create that M. I don't think it's being controlling or parental, you're simply stating how you envision your life.

After I told BF this and he insisted that he could be that person for me and we could have that R I did tell him what I needed before agreeing to move forward. I insisted on no contact, a NC letter, a transparency plan that included access to all his accounts, and guidance to work through our issues. He came up with the book plan instead of a counselor but agreed to be responsible for finding and making any counseling appts if I decided that it was necessary. He also decided to call me from his office every night before leaving so I would know that he was at work and coming straight home.

If you want to go to counseling now, great. I thought you were going to let him take the lead on MC. If that's the case then stand back and let him do it.

In my case there was no way I would even consider working on the R unless/until BF was prepared to do everything I thought necessary to work on it.

And I refused to even have this conversation until he was finished with OW. When he said he was no longer in contact with her and I caught them together I went dark again.