(((Serenity))) Just checking in. Though I'm coming to the realization that when we (I) don't hear from you in a few days, that usually means things are going well for you. True?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I am wonderful my friend...I am still here...I lurk more then post...My marriage sitch hasn't changed however I am changing...I am changing into something I can't put words into yet...I feel alive....I feel like I am 20 years old again...I feel so very blessed.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
(((Serenity))) How wonderful to hear! I think of you often and you are often in my prayers. You deserve every happiness and I am so glad to hear you are creating that happiness for yourself.
Serenity your response to Gardner brought a smile to my face.
Yes, you ARE changing! You have been systematically confronting and overcoming your phobias and moving forward. Forward to a better and stronger YOU. Every victory you achieve, no matter how small, feeds into your self-value and worth... and it's a wonderful feeling isn't it?
As I have stated for the past couple of days, I have made some changes and I am now able to share them with all of you and not just a few of you...
It has been over a year since my sitch started...A year filled with absolute pain, turbulence and turmoil...More tears have been shed then I ever knew one person could hold...
I never thought I would be happy again...I never thought I would smile again, much less laugh...
When all this started, I turned to Him, in the hopes that my marriage would be saved...As the months continued on, my prayers changed from bringing my husband home to His will regardless of what that would be...
Every morning for over a year I would wake up and every morning for over a year a still small voice within me would answer the questions before I even asked..."Wait" is all I ever heard from that voice...
So I waited, and I grew...I waited some more, and I grew some more and then Sunday I woke up...The questions were still there however the answer was different..."You are done".
Joy filled me all the way to my soul...Church was a place I was able to go and not need anything...All I did was just enjoy myself being in His presence...I didn't have to go to the Altar and beg Him to let me make it one more week without my mind shattering...
I knew what my next move was however I had to speak to my Pastor first before I could announce it here...
With His peace filling me, my Pastors' blessing and my strength (yes I said it )I am filing for a divorce...
I am done waiting for my life to begin...I am ready to spread my wings and fly with His guidance...
My marriage was over a long time ago and He knew I needed this time to recognize my own strength...
Time to heal...Past the pain, the self-injury, the tears...
I am happy and at peace with my decision and I know some of you may not be happy to hear this from me, however this is my life...This is my time and I am going to do it right this time.
I have been blessed with a second chance to turn things around and enjoy all life has to offer and after standing at the crossroads for over a year, staring at the two different paths offered, I am choosing the unknown path instead of the safe one.
I will not be leaving the boards and will be here to help anyone who needs what I have learned and what I have to offer.
I have been blessed beyond measure throughout my situation...I have new friends I adore...I have my Faith that is unwavering...I have a love for Him that grows by the minute and I have a love finally for myself.
No one is ever taking that from me again.
Thank you...Each and every one of you that has offered me support, prayers, your shoulders, hugs, love and friendship...
I take so much with me on my new journey however the best thing I have is unconditional love - "CB" this thanks is for you...For showing me no matter what was going on around me, Love truly does heal all - You hold a very special place in my heart for being there whenever I needed you.
The next best thing I have is forgiveness...Another one who is in my heart until the day I die - "T" - You showed me that in order for me to be truly healed, I had to forgive my husband and the other woman/women...Not just for me but for my boys as well...
"G" You make me laugh...You gave me the courage I needed to face anything without judgement...
"CJ" What can I say? You gave me myself back and I will forever be grateful for that - This you know.
"MF" My twin...I love you my friend and wish you peace and happiness forever and ever.
Gardener - For always checking in on me and making sure I was ok - I thank you...You are awesome my friend and I am truly blessed to know you.
Coach - Even after you "left", you still came by whenever I needed you...Thank you. I wish you and the Mrs. nothing but peace and a wonderfully happy marriage.
There are so many others - You know who you are...For you - I wish you all Peace within the decisions you make for your life...Faith that you can achieve whatever it is your heart desires...Hope that your life can be all you want it to be and Love in whatever you do...
That brings me to Puppy...The place in my heart for you no one else will ever own...You have been right beside me from day one...Encouraging when I needed it, swinging when I needed it...We didn't get off on the right foot with one another and for that I am sorry, however you kept coming back and I thank you for that...Your support means the world to me and you know that...I wish you nothing but the best my friend and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for not giving up even when I was begging you to just let me be. Even on the day I gave up on myself, you were right here...Stubbornly making me see what was right in front of me all along...I only wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to see what you already knew so many months ago.
If you don't agree with my decisions, that is ok as well...The most important thing I have learned in this journey - I am done living based on what others think of me...I am living based on how He thinks of me...
I was given some beautiful words this morning and I am going to share them -
"Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light." Helen Keller
Think about that for awhile...I will be around my friends...
(((((Hugs))))) To all of you.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
