WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

Journaling:

Interactions with W since our recent discussions have been amicable. She's helping me with a lot of job search stuff.

I am backing off completely again. I've realized that no matter how well I communicate her obvious contradiction between her new found faith and her actions, it has no impact that I can tell. In fact, I'm sure it has the opposite effect, since throughout our history she's always rebelled against any religious elements I've debated with her. In a way I'm stepping on God's toes here. It's His game now, and I have a feeling He wants me to step aside and let Him handle it. Any progress He's making is undermined by my own words.

Her baptism is a big deal to me as far as becoming a full fledged Christian; I am happy about it, but really feel ambivalent given that she is doing it while committing what Christians would consider a horrible sin.

I told her I'd like to attend and she said she would like that, but wasn't sure if I'd be comfortable given "the other people who will be there", namely, the OM.

It is unfortunate that it came about this way, but the OM was instrumental in getting her to find faith. Without the affair, I would consider it natural for him to attend and would consider it strange if he did not. So I am torn in thinking that I should be there, but I still think that it is not a step someone should be taking in the current state she is in.

However that would be me judging her, and that is an issue between her and God. Right now I plan on going, as she is still my wife, and this is a big step in her life. When I ask myself "What would Jesus do?" I have a hard time coming up with an answer. I imagine He would have issues with her sincerity, but would stand there for her to see Him and know that He is not fooled. A reminder that you can pay lip service all you want, but until you are serious it is just a pointless exercise. Perhaps the hypocrisy of it all will weigh on her conscience. But I won't bet on it.