What about dim with fluctuations? Go dim....don't initiate conversation unless it is essential (kids, finances), but also be willing to listen when she wants to discuss other items. Basically don't be at her beckon call.....or leading conversations. Then if you are listening to a conversation she started and it gets to intense for you....walk away from it. The hard part about this is you have to be honest with yourself and retreat from conversation that you know will cause you emotional turmoil.
On thing I learned is that MLC'ers want to be heard, but they don't want to listen. So they will shut down a lot when it is the other person time to speak....just an FYI.
Be nice....and keep it simple. Let the affair thing just become a skeleton in the closet. It is hard to do that.....but once you start improving yourself it will be easier and easier. Just being honest.
Overall how you handle conversations is up to you (see how taking the high road starts giving returns) and you control that. Other than stuff that has to be discussed....you can control what happens. If you don't feel like talking...don't. If she starts and conversation and you feel like...then talk.
Wearing your ring...completely up to you, but don't do it just to expect a reaction from your wife. Do it for you one way or the other.
