OIN has stated more than once that for 3 years he did not treat his wife as well as he should have. And the advice just kept coming to be cold to her.
I would have to go back and re-read his thread. I don't remember anyone advising that he be cold to her; in fact, I specifically remember a lot of this discussion being prompted by his own question to all of us about being "lovingly detached" (or "detached love" or something very similar).
Loving detachment is not coldness. My overall DBing philosophy has ALWAYS been one of simultaneously aggressively attacking any infidelity, while making yourself the better option. There's nothing better about being cold, rude, a dick or anything else. It's a fine balance, to be sure.
