If Not Now, When?

[LolaL]

I think you are actually doing very well. Not seeing a Dan-free future could merely be the fact that you share children, so technically there never WILL be a Dan-free future.

Putting a stop to the family outings and not allowing Dan to have free run of your home is also a way of taking you back. I still believe that when we are married, sometimes we lose sight of who we are as individuals, and when faced with the separation and D, we are still in that chapter trying desparately to figure out how we can attract the WAS back. You are out of that phase, realizng that for your own mental health and sanity, and that of your children that it is not the healthiest way to live.

I think one of the key ingredients I have learned is that the R's that we had in the past with the WAS are over. Regardless of whether or not there is a future R, the one in the past needs to be left behind. It is a matter of starting over, completely, learning to trust again, learning to love again. Sometimes, it has to die before it can begin again. And for many of us, the death of that relationship will remain permanent.

Regardless of what the future holds, for now it seems like you have realized that the M with Dan is completely finished. I have discovered that this is a painful part of the grieving process, the death of the dream, what you held most dear. But I see tremendous strides that you have made, especially in the last several months.

((((Bobbi Jo)))

You are coming along very nicely