Morning Sage! I will be with you in spirit as you make it through your busy day!
It's very good that you are *aware* of how you are feeling and acting around h. I KNOW that they pick up our vibes. what are they, insects? Fortunately, your h is handling it very well! He's not backing off, he's not getting defensive, he is listening to you, and ASKING what he can do to help!! How awesome is that???
I understand about your exposure too. Did anyone (a C or a self-help book) ever tell you that when you open yourself to let love out, the hate comes out too? I'm not sure what exactly we are supposed to do with it, and if it runs out...ha ha...but as we open up our "boxes" there's all kinds a' junk in there!! I think the goal is that the positive will help to overcome the negative.
Last night, I read more of your Old-old thread and read about what your parents did to you. My dad once stopped in the middle of a 3 lane highway (I think I was about 4) and said that he was going to stay there until a semi came and killed us all. (Mom, sis, him, me). My dad was very violent and no, my mom did not protect us. It's extremely frustrating-first as a child not knowing what the he!! to do, then as you grow up and realize what your parents did or didn't do that makes you very ANGRY? did you see "pretty woman"? RG says, "it cost me $10000 (or 8 i don't remember) to say that I am verrry aaangry with them." kinda funny if you remember it.
Anyhow, we have a deeper hole than some people, and you know how challenging it can be to fill it, and how EASY it is to want someone else to do it FOR us! I had those expectations of my husband. But, as we all know-it's our job, not theirs.
What kind of things make you TRULY feel good about yourself? A special gift? Taking care of needy children? Making people laugh or feel special? Can you capitalize on these things to "fill your own love tanks" so you feel less dependent on H to be filled up? (I'm speaking to myself as well!)
