Loved and Supported...

[sage]

Morning all,
It's going to be a heck of a day today (busy work, leave early for school, paper due) so I probably won't be on much until tonight (at least I SHOULDN'T be on much!!! Bad, Bad!)

I've been acting like a bottomless pit with h for the last couple of days. OK...I haven't been ACTING like it but I've been FEELING it...overly sensitive, working with ASSumptions and EXPECTATIONS. Arrgh. Not good.

It's pretty clear that he's sensing it too...I feel like we're both sort of circling each other a bit...How are you? I'm good, and you?

The wonder, though, is that in the midst of the fear (mine for sure -- his?) and confusion and tension he still says with all earnestness "ILY". I know that he's reaching out to me when he says this.

I think I rattled on about the whys and wherefores of my angst lately...did I also mention that I feel a bit exposed? Anxiety and fear are a bit higher than normal? Earlier this week (this past weekend?) I uncovered a bit more of what I protect...the feeling of aloneness and sadness. I think taking the next layer of protective clothing off of that has had an impact .. ah, well...gotta sit thru it.

Positives:
1. h sent a bunch of loving emails towards the end of the day. He even wrote out I Love You (instead of just ILY) which kind of made it feel even more powerful.

2. h listened to me rant about school and work last night (even though he had just come home from school and a long day himself....HMMMM...note to self...maybe ranting was NOT particularly necessary after he's had a TREMENDOUSLY long and pressure filled day??????). Anyway...he asked a few times what he could do to help. Was very responsive and validating. I left him a note this AM thanking him for listening.

3. the new movie schedule for our favorite old time movie house came out. H highlighted a bunch of movies...looks like I've got quite a few movie dates over the next 2 months!

As I just wrote all of this it really hit home to me how reactive and distancing I've been with h and how really present he's been with me over the last few days.

My Cainercast:
Other people have faults. We have foibles. Other people are inconsistent. We are adaptable. Other people are unreasonable. We are justified. And, of course, they feel exactly the same about us. If only we could extend to the wider community, the same amount of sympathy, tolerance and understanding that we provide for ourselves and our loved ones. Somehow, the coming harmonic concordance is helping you increase the number of people who you can truly trust and clearly communicate with.


Make it a good one, folks!
sage