still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

CW thanks for acknowledging the baby steps! I do want to hear it's not just me who saw SOMETHING even though today SUCKED! Also thank you for thinking WH will miss me if I go NC. I just don't know if he is only here for S..but obviously am confused about his recent changes in behavior and today's events.

Blownaway, I know you are a kind and gentle soul like P and Chatterbug (CBug as I like to call him since his name change!) I am not put off by your harsh truth! (or theirs) I am getting the courage slowly but surely to move forward with my life. Believe it or not, booking the flight to see my friend next month was HUGE and it was still HUGE when I wanted to do it next week! I was wondering in the back of my mind if WH was going to want to take us to lunch or something. Another scary future step was booking plans for the 4th of July. But I did both- and to me, that shows myself I am preparing for the worst and trying to live MY life. So I hear you! Next goal is to worry less about what WH thinks...I think I will be able to do that now since he is baffling me too much with his behavior! (but I don't regret acting caring toward him last week during the cancer scare)

Flowmom thank you for your post! I do believe it is painful for WH to see me upset and I do hope it reminds him how much I love him. I was so worried that crying was the worst mistake I could have made and have back pedaled! So I appreciate the reassurance that crying once in awhile (last week due to Cancer scare but almost 5 months prior) is not a bad thing.

I am just overwhelmed with the idea of NC. How to start, what to say, how to do it. I wish I was back at work. It seems like it would be easier. I don't see a letter working out at this point- I would need to tell him face to face one night before he left.

Am rolling this idea around. Am curious to hear Saint's take.

I think I can follow Mindfull's advice for the present which is to take a break and just live for awhile (but not do anything drastic). Some would call it detaching lol!