My H told his mother a bunch of lying, blaming crap to make himself look good because he was ASHAMED to have failed at our relationship and wanted someone to pin it on. That's what your H did too. So yes, your MIL is WW a bit, but she thinks what she thinks for a reason... the pessimistic depressive who went home trying to save face and BLAMED most of it on you.
That said, she is a good source of the most exaggerated info., which he may actually believe at this time. Go have dinner, be pleasant, listen A LOT, keep your opinions to yourself at dinner, and go home and take notes.
Do NOT during this dinner tell her anything of your life and what you are up to or ANY of your emotions that you do not EXPECT to get IMMEDIATELY repeated back to everyone in H's family and exaggerated or spun somehow. So go, listen, and keep what you have to say from your end light and chatty.
It is also useful to note that mothers often don't like their sons to have depression because it makes some of them feel they have failed in some way. So she might rather blame you too if she's that type of mother.
8, I'm going to sound sooooo flaky, but I would seriously get a Feng Shui consultant into your home ASAP. I'm glad you're getting those things fixed but still...
Right after the separation there were a few things in my home that leaked/broke etc. and I found it quite disturbing.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Ok as the mother of a fairly grown up son lol here's my four penneth.
His mum is probably horrified at his behaviour, she gave you clues to what works.. He probably told her a rather more interesting storyline but she's not daft I know when I'm being strung a line by my DS lol!
But don't give her any info for her sake as much as yours if she doesn't know anything she can't tell so when H does little boy lost routine which all us mummies want to rescue them she can't tell him what she doesn't know!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
LR: But don't give her any info for her sake as much as yours if she doesn't know anything she can't tell so when H does little boy lost routine which all us mummies want to rescue them she can't tell him what she doesn't know!
rr22, I'm sure that in the beginning of the separation (and perhaps still) my H has portrayed me in the most negative light. Most everything (or everything) was my fault, and I'm sure he's made that more than clear. "Pessimistic depressive" has been my perception of H during most of our separation.
It's good advice to check with H before I go to dinner with WW. I certainly don't want to have any setbacks since I'm in a pretty good pattern right now. I'll wait until the beginning of the week to e-mail her and let her decide if she still wants to have dinner.
flowmom, you don't sound flaky at all! Because of all my home disasters, I've even considered contacting an exorcist (though I'm not even Catholic). I wonder where one would find a Feng Shui consultant? I might have an easier time finding an exorcist.
LR, I can't help but hope that she's horrified at his behavior! That may be a terrible thing to say, but I guess I just want her to at least see how unfounded or exaggerated some of his side of the story is.
She has made the comment before that all boys are mama's boys, no matter how old they are. She was accurate, at least in her case.
So you and rr22 are saying that I should absolutely not disclose anything to WW about my personal feelings or opinions about my situation? If she asks, what is the best way to deflect questions without being rude or once again seeming (especially to H, should he get word) that I'm okay with or without him? I don't want to do "more of the same" in her company, especially if she reports things back to him.
Thanks for your perspective! It's good to have the mother of a son providing some input here.
