It is not about time, it is about education on the subject and understanding. Passion about helping people is not about staying on these boards 1000ships, the person passionate about that pursues their degree in psychology or psychiatry
Those are not the only fields. I don’t hang out here anymore either, but I do have a passion regarding MLC and helping LBSs.
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
It's just that fuckking simple folks. In order to save your marriage you have to save yourself first.
And that is the kernel.
It is often true that OldTimers' advice matches advice given of those only a year in…but each person receives fulfillment in different ways. You are right that sometimes it feels good to be admired and that can be taken too far when it comes to people seeking out board ‘gurus.’ It can also be an addiction—didn’t Lissie say it’s like crack?
Originally Posted By: dncrm
I really question the motives of posters who are back together with their spouse but still have a need to be here. WHY? Shouldn't their energy be going into the relationship and rebuilding of their marriage?
Many people do. Many people put out their idea of ‘shoulds’ onto others. There are many reasons to return or keep coming. Jack said it is to remind him what not to do…? Was that it? I think it’s likely more than that.
It does feel good to help others. I once gave that as a reason and was told by a then OldTimer that I was selfish because of that reason and he said that he only returned out of the goodness of his meaning well heart.
It feels good to give back and to share.
It hurts to watch others hurting and maybe it alleviates some of our own hurt if we feel we can offer a balm.
A poster may have found a passion…an interest in studying MLC, or Infidelity for that board, or sex-starved marriages… Maybe they haven’t gotten a degree out of it yet; maybe circumstances do not make that route conducive. I studied MLC and was criticized for it in my first year or two, but to me it is interesting from an academic standpoint. I give thanks for this board as well as for my husband’s midlife crisis…without those I would not be where I am today or headed where I am going.
