I'm pretty new here also but am learning a lot along the way about working on ME and not worrying about my MLC'er.
My H dropped the bomb on me Dec 2nd, came from out of no where. The is round 2 for me with him as he has left once before, threatened divorce and then returned home.... and without being aware of what had happened and how to HELP him while helping myself FIRST..... he is now gone again.!
This time he filed for D right away. WHAT? WAIT! Talk about panic, desperation all of those feelings I went through right away... but slowly and mainly from this forum, I have learned to not allow it to be about ME and ANYTHING I CAN DO to change it, change HIS MIND, as I know I CAN'T.... NOTHING I do matters and I know this now...when he first left I thought if I always looked extra sexy when he saw me it would help, I worked out twice as hard as I normally do, even my changing and growing (and he did notice this and even mentioned it and said how proud he was of me ) still....this did not change his mind. So, I let him GO.... I had to.... WHY in the world would I want him to be back with me now? Like this? His mind on OW/living his life for right now in replay. I know FOR SURE he doesn't FEEL that he loves me, and why would I want him BACK until I KNOW he has gone through this and has it out of his system...then IF he returns to me, IF ITS GOD's WILL for our marriage to be restored, it will be then that I can KNOW in my heart that HE truly LOVES me and WANTS to be with me, seeing, experiencing everything else and realizing he was wrong by divorcing me...
All the while, I worked on ME..and continue to get better and stronger and grow!
This is just how I HALF TO SEE IT NOW.... it helps me to feel WORTHY of GOOD, of unconditional LOVE, of being treated fairly and with respect.
I love him. I always will. I will NEVER marry again. He knows this. I take my vows very seriously. I have Faith and I pray that he will find what he needs on this journey to help him. I can only pray for him. I ( the woman that loves him unconditionally, has been through hell and back with him many times, loved and forgave him through an affair, drug addiction, etc, the mother of his children, his best friend, CAN NOT BE THE ONE THAT HELPS HIM THROUGH THIS, I CANT FIX HIM. I CANT MAKE IT BETTER. I CANT MAKE IT GO AWAY. I AM ONLY STANDING IN HIS WAY.
Wow, this is so helpful even to me to share with you how I see things. I know everyone sees and feels differently but just remember as all those that have been here for a very long time teach us, they are insane right now, they are confused and the best thing we can do is see them with compassionate eyes, love them from a distance, and take care of OURSELVES.
