I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Quart9]

The things that I have done to get right FOR ME:
-I've been going to an IC to work through my issues and my feelings about the end of our marriage
-I've been creating a better relationship with God. I've gone back to church, I've been reading the Bible, and started praying regularly
-I've done my best to GAL when I have time. I've reunited with some of my old friends and made several new friends
-I've become more active at school by talking and interacting more with people there and seeking out help from upperclassmen
-I've started a self help program on toolstolife.com and I'm learning and doing exercises from there to boost my confidence and morale
-I've been lifting weights and eating healthier
-I've been talking with my family more (I have kinda neglected for the past few years)

The most important thing I have done for me is...
I filed the petition of the big D yesterday.

I'm debating on having her served by the sheriff's office either at work or at home or by a friend.

I have a few things left at that apartment that I am going to try to pick up this weekend hopefully. And that will be it.

I am requesting spousal support because there is really no time for me to have a job while I am in school. I will go full time again next term and I will probably be putting in around 70 - 100 hours per week so I need the funds. We moved here so I could go to school - not so she could have an A. So why would I not petition for support? She would do it if the tables were turned. My L told me that my W might petition for it anyhow just because that is what many people do here. I will get temporary support for sure, but in the end it will be up to the court/judge to decide if it will be extended to half the time frame of our M.

This is not what I wanted 100% but I need to move forward with my life. Again, she has made it clear she never wants to reconcile. This may be typical WAW speak, but I can't wait around for 6 months to a year for her - especially if she is going on trips with this dude and banging him in the apt and bed we shared. F that. I need to be able to shift my focus back on school because this sitch has almost ruined my time there. I cannot focus on anything but this sitch and that has to change - my future depends on me getting through this school and at this point it is really all I have.

So we will see where it goes from here. I'm going to see my IC tonight and I will see what she says about it.

I may need to start a new thread?