I got a call from one of the program presenters to see if I was having any problems with the nightly activites - awesome, eh?
I told her that it feels like a rollercoaster that is on a massive incline, but the fear is what lay ahead. It is fair to say we've all had enough problems to know that they are lurking out there. What is strange for me is that I've had a few major blowouts, but I am still feeling closer, not farther, from the woman I was ready to leave.
My W is from Yemen. I have no relation to the country beyond her except a fun vacation during university and having studied a second language there. Her English is much better, but she still can't quite "get" what I'm saying. Along with self-esteem issues, it was a recipe for marital disaster. But here I am, feeling love for the first time, her mentioning that when I hold her it feels different (better).
Our D date is in May. I'm seriously reconsidering now. A month ago, I was 20% staying. Now...60-90% depending on the minute...
I wonder what your wife is feeling? You probably wonder even more...is love developing or is she holding it back?
A breakthrough for me last night came when I told my W about some personal info that I thought would stay between me and God. While it wasn't shocking, she suspected that issue throughout our M. And then, repeately, she told me how she was proud of me and said saw it as courageous that I opened up at all. She added that it felt like a wall had fallen between us. Go figure!
I reminded her that we're not out of the woods, yet, but that I am in a dream-like state to think I could ever want to hold her and just sit with her. Infatuation? Maybe. I'm enjoying it though!
As cold as this sounds, I still am worried that we can't make it as H and W. I am not physically attracted to her, and we have many miscomm and other issues. I still have a lingering thought that "trading" her for another might feel good. I guess I'm telling you this TBL because your W might be having these kind of thoughts or others that are "destructive" or painful. She also might be holding back her love in fear, or many other things.
Remember the DB thing - don't pursue. Attract.
I'm the "WAH" in some ways, so I can get as close as I want fearlessly knowing she wants more. Watch your Ws for signs that she's flooded or burning out. Make sure to consider Lotus' advice to listen well. Keep doing 180s to prove you are trying.
RV brings love and emotion. It doesn't stop me and my W from arguing or make us understand each others' langauge. That takes patience and work.
If this makes sense, I'm doing 80% RV, but keeping 20% DB (working on myself, becoming a better spouse, dealing with my own issues). The W in one of our presenting couples told of her H's gambling issues. He works very hard now to control it, but there are issues still there. She accepts him fully now even with his issues, this is her "180". If he stopped the gambling though, wouldn't her love only deepen?
If I could ask you a couple things TBL: How'd the dial go last night/today? Is she fully doing it or just giving a bit?
Do you think it matters if she (or you)isn't answering it "right", but you are still doing the job?
Did you decide to leave her to talk about the EA (if there was one)?
