I'd like to know how your 180 is oing- you are right that 180's are important, and every sitch is different so you have to measure what works and what does not.
In my sitch big 180's were me being more available and more loving-
They did not work b/c it was pursuing.
However, one night we were watching a movie, and I sat on one couch and she on another- that was more of the same...
I got up and laid w/ W...she was receptive, and later agreed that she felt it was more of the same when we were on sep. couches...so it's a difficult line to walk- esp when W was having an A (LOL).
So work the 180's if they set you back, try something different.
Be wary though w/ showing more emotion- I think a little detachment can help you when things get strange (AH, flip-flopping, etc)
So far, so good with the 180s on my end. We communicated via text over the weekend, and the messages were funny and playful (but not suggestive, which would be distasteful). I initiated most of the contact (which is something he felt I didn't do enough of), and he always responded quickly. I think his quick responses are a good sign. It felt like our regular text interactions from the olden days, which is a step in the right direction.
However, I fully expect him to pull back soon and/or start questioning the worth of our marriage again, so I'm working on being prepared and not taking it personally.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I just have to keep getting myself to think, "Am I doing more of the same?"
Good luck with your progress. The pullback really hurts, so keep your GAL and working on detachment up if at all possible. Glad you are having a good week. Whatever happened with his car?
Ah, the car. I did a cordial offer like Lost Rabbit suggested. He was not ready to face my father, I fear, so he contacted an old friend (he hasn't seen this guy in several years) whose father owns a dealership. He had it towed there and repaired, but I have yet to hear about a bill.
Like you, I was hoping for some true comedy to come of this, but no such luck. My father has these piercing blue eyes that can cut you to the core. (I, on the other hand, have my mother's brown eyes. They're not nearly as intimidating as my father's can be.) I guess it's easy to understand why H may want to put off being in my father's line of vision!!
Thanks for asking about that. If only something humorous had come of it . . .
Construction began yesterday here at my home. As I type this, I'm sharing the sofa with Boxer dog because this is the only place to sit in my house (save the floor--or subfloor, actually--a toilet seat, or the bed). Hopefully the majority of it will be done by Friday.
To recap, these are the things that have happened since H left on 1/1/10:
*kitchen sink leaked; I attempted to turn off emergency shut-off valves only to find that did not help; later learned that those won't work if the packing in them deteriorates *upstairs bathtub cracked when it was full of water (but I was not in it); water went through floor and came through den ceiling; chair and ottoman soaked--total loss there; carpet soaked, too. Important note: INSURANCE DOES NOT COVER A CRACKED BATHTUB! *floor around doors leading out to deck collapsed; outer wood trim collapsed, too; both thanks to lack of sunlight on deck combined with very rainy summer and increased snowfall this winter *portion of inner wood trim around front door collapsed *dishwasher quit working
This lovely house I inherited from my late mother is only 20 YEARS OLD. When it rains, it pours, right??
Repairs/changes to date: *den ceiling replaced *chair and ottoman taken out of home; neighbor boys want to chop it up for fun (undecided on this; will defer to their parents) *new emergency shut-off valves on kitchen sink
And as of yesterday: *back doors removed and replaced; inside and outside wood trim replaced *collapsed subfloor removed and replaced *den carpet removed; foyer floor removed *laying of hardwood floor (began today; only a small portion down thus far); will be completed by Friday *front door trim replaced tomorrow
And as for the bathtub and dishwasher? I'll worry about them after this week.
On a related note, if you have never seen the movie The Money Pit, then please watch it immediately. It will give you an idea of what my life is like right now.
Thanks, H4L. I do feel good about our recent interactions. We've had more fun, friendly, and amusing texts this week thus far. I'll keep doing this as long as it works!
My (deep breath here) mother-in-law (hereafter referred to as "Wicked Witch" or "WW") hosted a baby shower for a family friend several weeks ago. I attended because I had committed to do so and because I am very fond of this friend.
When I arrived at the shower at her home, WW hugged me and asked again and again how I was doing. The shower was awkward, as you can probably imagine. As I was making my exit (early, of course), WW told me to call her. She emphatically said that I should call her. She also said she wanted us to have dinner sometime soon.
I waited a couple days to call, and she was rather breezy during our conversation. We made small talk, and then she finally told me that she was heartbroken and shocked over this. I let her know that no one was more shocked than I. She said that she and my stepfather-in-law were trying to not interfere and not talk to my H about the situation.
She then repeated several times, "I hope that you two will keep talking. I just hope that you'll keep talking." I said, "What do you mean? Like now or when we're done?" She repeated the same thing again without answering my questions. I did not make any solid dinner plans with her when we concluded our conversation (for many different reasons).
After my first revealing conversation with H more than a week ago, WW's words came back to me. She was giving me a clue that I didn't even see at the time! She knew that he and I had not talked much up to that point since the separation, and until I changed my methods, I continued to go down that road for a while longer. She was, in her way, letting me know something I needed to do.
Now I just have to decide if I want to make that dinner date with her. I'm torn about if I should, but she suggested it. If I can interpret all her subtleties, it may be worth my time!
And for the record--I didn't come up with the "WW" for her. She calls herself that! She also signs all her e-mails and cards to my sister-in-law and me like that.
