Loved and Supported...

[sage]

Hey Shiny,

I'm curious about this residual sadness...Would you describe yourself as an especially sensitive/empathetic person?

Well..I think I feel things deeply and in many cases I can get caught up in the general sadness of life for others. The abused baby, the starving child, the person in need...I tend to feel those things deeply. Heck, I actually get a bit sad over the pain of insects!

But...I also think that my sadness comes from another place, too...not actually unrelated. In many ways, I feel as though I have no family..I feel very alone. When my parents D., I lost the mom/dad connection (crappy though it was) and things were in such turmoil in our home that it was hard to feel safe there. My mom had no extended family really and she ensured that my dad's vast extended family had no interaction with us...we lost contact with all of our aunts and uncles and cousins. I think I entered my m feeling as though I wanted a family but then things got confusing...I remember about 5 years ago during the holidays I got really depressed...we had spent time with my family and it was just so screwed up...and I said to h "let's build our own family, let's create some wonderful memories" and he said "We want different things" Now, granted I was crying and looking for reassurances at the time...and, if you can believe it, we never revisited that very conversation.

So...I feel alone alot but as pointed out...I'm also very guarded...so I've fulfilled my prophecy, no?

When was the last time your H mentioned the "time bomb" analogy? Just curious you don't give off that sense here...perhaps it's residual "ASSumptions" on HIS part?

It's been a while...but it's interesting that you should mention the ASSumption part...I think that that is definitely a piece of it (and some of it is what I own and project, too).

...might it take your H a bit longer for them to really sink in...for old assumptions to fade away? Perhaps...But I have this gut feeling that you two are farther along than you realize!!

Thanks for this! I think I needed to hear it.

Sage