me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Well we all went the park. No drama. Not really anything.
Feel like I"m "through the looking glass". Don't know if we're together or apart. Don't know if I WANT TO be together or apart.
REalized yesterday that I've never had a relationship with a man that wasn't emotionally abusive. I'm 41 and just realizing this. It's like waking up from a long dream and feeling disoriented. Everything I thought was true isn't. EVeryone I thought I could trust I couldn't. Don't know if this man will ever be safe for me and my son.
Or perspective. I still think you may want to give yourself a mental timeline. Like H gets X months to show significant improvement or no more of this. 6-9 at this point would be more than generous, right?
Because it's a two-part problem. If the anger problem goes, there's the emotional unavailability problem. So the anger and the wall have to go in order for you to consider it emotionally healthy. And your expectations may have been raised by all the work and therapy you've done.
H4L, those are very important realizations for you. And I believe that if you truly can believe that you deserve love and can no longer tolerate emotional abuse -- not defensively but with an open heart -- your H will either shift towards meeting that expectation or it will become clear that it's not going to work.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” -- Mahatma Gandhi
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
