Not checking your concious Jeff.. Thats yoru job. I am pointing out that this place becomes addictive and people spend too much time here sometimes.
If I am running a company and paying you, your not on a divorce website.... but thats me.
Do you remember how gaming impacted your marriage in the first place?
I don't care how much anyone posts on these boards, I could give a crap. What my point is which I knew would be overlooked by people who believe it is all about them is that when people, in particular old timers are here out of habit and because of the rush, it isnt helping anyone.
This site is about helping people, helping them either save their marriage or themselves, one or the other. Once that occurs many have a hard time letting go.
Lets take you Jeff since you feel like talking to me. What do you get out of this board now? How does it help you in your marriage today? Do you still need it? Your friends kill zombies with your outside the boards friends, great, thats what Facebook is for.
It is so simple to come on here and get admired for the time that we have been around. But, is it admirable? Who the fuckkk knows.
No MLC is the same, some of the syptoms are, some of the behaviors, but other then that it is not cookie cutter. The advice that is given by a guy or gal who has posted for 5 years looks extremely similar to a guy or gal who has posted for 1.
It is not about time, it is about education on the subject and understanding. Passion about helping people is not about staying on these boards 1000ships, the person passionate about that pursues their degree in psychology or psychiatry and opens a practice or volunteers at a center.
My point Jeff, and please stop taking this personally, is that I wanted to answer your question. You asked if old timers are sometimes not helping. My opinion is yes. My reasons have been stated.
I owe a ton to these boards, they saved me. I also respect them enough to know that in the eye of the storm the best practice is honesty. Some marriages can be saved, some can not. Some spouses suffer from MLC, some are just fuckktards. Spent all the time you want trying to figure out which one you dealing with and I will tell you you just wasted a shittload of time.
Fix you, address your mistakes and behaviors that damaged your marriage. Then see what happens. If you didnt spoend enough time at home, spend more time at home.
If you had intimacy issues, see a shrink and deal with them.
If you were a shitty father, take some classes and learn to be a better parent.
If you spent all your time gaming instead of with your wife and kids, quit gaming.
It's just that fuckking simple folks. In order to save your marriage you have to save yourself first. Then, they may come back or they may tell you to piss off. Doesnt matter at that point because you have probably figured out what you want and most likely it aint them anymore.
So now, I leave you with this. If you really take a look at your spouses, yep I am talking to all of you who are sitting there wondering if I am... Do they deserve you? Can you be happy with them again? Are you fighting for something you truly believe can be great? Are you looking at your spouse or ex-spouse and thinking They make you sick and what the hell are you fighting for? These are the questions you need to answer honestly, not to us, to yourself and then walk the right line. Simple enough.....
