My H has a history of adultery with this one person!! Before this point, I never would have thought my H was capable of doing this. He always seemed to take our commitment seriously. I think that is why I have such a hard time letting go. I don't think my H deserves anything...like you...I just don't think I will feel satisfied unless I exhaust all options. I am not a quitter...I still believe in marriage. I am doing this for me (I think).
I am going to the MC tomorrow night alone first..I am really interested in what she is going to say. My current IC really hasn't been giving me much..just kept telling me that my H needs to be on medication...and that he sounds very depressed..and that I should wait it out. The IC would just ask me if I still loved him..my answer would vary depending on the week. It is hard to love someone that you barely like at times. I think the MC I am seeing tomorrow will be brutally honest..that was why I was a bit worried about my H joining me. I don't know where she stands..and I am a bit scared.
pearlharbr- I completely understand all the emotions that you have been going through. I read through your post and could relate to so much of it. There was a 6 month period after I found out my H was having an A and the time that I realized he started it up again. During that 6 month period..we were piecing. It was NOT easy. At certain times I felt like we were on the right track..and then other days I felt so helpless. I was working sooo hard to forgive him for him to just betray me again. It truly was gut wrenching. I asked a lot of questions and was constantly insecure about what was happening at his office. I HATED the person I was becoming. I am not that insecure..I hated always obsessing about what was going on..I hated that he was consuming my thoughts..for most of my day. I guess I am hoping that this was rock bottom for him...and that piecing will be easier this time around because he will be in it 150% (although I am not getting my hopes up yet)
I often question my efforts to save my marriage as a weakness or a strength. When I am rational...I do truly believe that it is a strength. It is SOOOOOOOOO much easier to just walk away. It takes guts and a lot of forgiveness to move on from something so devastating.... right?
