Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

Well, I thought we were barrelling towards D, but I feel like there is a pause. A week ago she asked me whether or not she should find her own place or if I was willing to alternately move out. I told her, since she isn't interested in dumping the OM she should get her own place and she said OK. I was on my way out the door to the airport for a trip for work.

I had told her earlier I am willing to do the alternate out of the house thing, or whatever she wants, if she was willing to end all contact with OM to see if our M had any chance at all, but she refused.

However, since that day it seems like the tension level is way down after a stressful 4-6 weeks where we started going to mediation appointments, I got angry and contacted OM, and all sorts of other drama was occurring.

She doesn't want to continue with the mediation appointments (she says we don't need to figure out 'all the other stuff' like kid vistation, etc), and I decided that was fine for now - we know what I am supposed to pay her so if she leaves I will do that. It turns out that the mediated amount is less than she could have gotten in a temporary order since it assumes she works double the amount she currently does, so I'll take it and gladly pay it if she decides to finally move out.

Then again, it seems like after I told her to get her own place, the tension level is way down and things seem a little more 'normal' around the house. When she suggested we stop going to mediation I said OK, that I was satisfied for the short term because we came to an agreement on support/alimony that assumes she works more, which was my main motivation for seeing the mediator in the first place.

I am not sure what will happen next, but I am not caring much about her and the OM after I had a flare-up with him, which taught me that I don't want to lend my own energy to that whole situation.

I am also getting more comfortable with the idea of paying her support if she leaves. I was dreading it because it would be financially devastating, but I now realize I can probably make it work with some serious belt-tightening, plus things are going well at my new job and I anticipate having even more money coming in in the near future.

Otherwise, I treat her like a roomate and am doing better at not getting drawn into any drama or emotional interchanges with her.

I guess it is still at 'game point' - it seems like we walked up to the edge but there was a pull back of some sorts. It may be short lived. I actually think that it is a good idea for her to move out - I say this because what she has been doing (staying but 'separated' in our own house) hasn't been working. I don't think there is any chance she will 'wake up' unless her world radically changes, and it would be a very very slight chance in that case. I feel like I am in a better frame of mind to handle it now, however, which is good.